The journey from self-hatred to self self-love involves to learning to meet, greet and open to the being that you are. This begins with letting yourself have your experience. Genuine self-love is not possible as long as you are resisting, avoiding, judging , or trying to manipulate or control what you’re experiencing – “I shouldn’t be having this experience, It’s not good enough. I should be having a better experience than this one” – you’re not letting yourself be as you are. This aggravates the core wound of “I am not acceptable as I am”. And it sets you at odds with yourself, creating inner division and turmoil. The way to free yourself from shame and self-blame is through developing a more friendly relationship with your experience, no matter what experience you are having.
John Welwood, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships.