Month: January 2011

The solution is within

Karl DuffyLeave a comment

When we’re disappointed or frustrated, when we’re in pain or when our day’s not going well, our tendency is to search for an object of blame. Our mantra becomes, “If only something were different, I wouldn’t be having this problem.” Blame is tricky. By trying to find someone else who’s at fault, we’re failing to deal with our own mind. Instead of looking inward, or taking a big view and seeing the transparency of the whole situation, we vent. “If only the driver in front of me had been going faster, I wouldn’t be late for work.” “If only someone else had cleaned the kitchen, I would be watching my favorite TV show instead of mopping this floor.” Even if we find someone we can logically blame for our pain, conducting our life in this way does not provide genuine relief. Blaming just lays the ground for further suffering and discontent.

From a meditator’s point of view, as long as we’re looking for someone to blame, our mind is unable to settle. Blame is a form of aggression.  The meditation path encourages us to be bigger, more openminded, more mature. It’s suggesting that we take responsibility for our behavior. This means that one day we will simply have to stop blaming the world. By blaming others when the world doesn’t move the way we want, we’re creating narrow parameters into which everything must fit. We become dead-set on what will solve our problem; nothing else will do. Blame ties us to the past and reduces who we are. Our possibilities become confined to one small situation. What is that path of blame going to accomplish?

Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, End Blame

This week, reduce stress at work: 3 Create gaps

Karl Duffy1 Comment

In the first post of this series Marc Lesser reminded us that “we do less by pausing in the midst of activities”. Developing a habit  or practice of creating gaps is a key skill in helping us remain mindful during our workday, especially when we are very busy. Again, here are a few suggested practical ways we can do this. If you like you can try them. Developing little habits around things we do each day and practicing them when we are calm,  means that they can prompt us to slow down on the days things get hectic:

  • From time to time while sitting at your desk,  take a quick break from your regular activity, and devote two minutes to being mindful of your body. During this time, just check in with your body, noticing, in particular, your shoulders, stomach, face, and hands. If you find tension in any of these places, see if you can relax.
  • In a similar way, find as many ways you can to increase your awareness of your sense of touch and see if you can use it to anchor you in the present moment.      Notice the warmth of a cup of coffee, notice your fingers touching the computer keyboard, when you wash your hands really feel the touch of the water, when you lift a glass feel the touch of the glass, feel the touch of what you eat and drink.
  • Use everyday cues as mindfulness reminders to come back for a moment to the breath. For example, if your job involves answering the phone, let it ring for two or three seconds and use the call to remind you to become aware of your breath. Thich Nhat Hahn has written about this practice: Every time you hear the telephone ringing,  stay exactly where you are. You breathe in and breathe out and enjoy your breathing. Listen, listen-this wonderful sound brings you back to your true home. Then when you hear the second ring you go to the telephone with dignity. You know that you can afford to do that, because if the other person has something really important to tell you, she will not hang up before the third ring. That is what we call telephone meditation. We use the sound as the bell of mindfulness.
  • Take breaks and try to get away from the desk, even for a short period. If you take a tea or coffee break, instead of it being just part of your morning routine which passes automatically, use it to reconnect with your sensations and your awareness of just this moment. Pay attention to the aroma of the coffee or tea, notice the first taste, how you hold the cup, the warmth in your hands and your mouth. Use the break to relax and allow the mind to settle, even briefly.
  • If your job involves using a photocopier or elevator, or going to meeting or interview rooms, use each of these movements to practice awareness. For example, walk slightly slower than normal to the photocopier, becoming aware of your movement, somewhat as we do in walking meditation. Using the elevator, resist the impulse to push the button twice to make it arrive faster and become aware of the experience of waiting. Do you notice you are rushing? What does that feel like? Allow yourself to go at the speed of the elevator rather than wishing to would go faster.

Work with your day as it is

Karl Duffy1 Comment

To practice we must see exactly where we are. Of course we can always imagine perfect conditions, how it should be ideally, how everyone else should behave. But it’s not our task to create an ideal. It’s our task to see how it is and to learn from the world as it is. For the awakening of the heart, conditions are always good enough.

Ajahn Sumedho

Support in times of difficulty

Karl DuffyLeave a comment

This week celebrates the feast of Saint Anthony, the founder of monastic practice in the Western Church. He went out into the desert at a young age to remove himself from some of the normal distractions in order to pay attention to what is really necessary. Most wisdom traditions have some reference to desert places, or retreats,  as a time for deepening or as a symbol for certain periods in our lives. We can have periods when we enter our own deserts and are forced to re-evaluate what is important and see what is really needed.

Deserts can be lonely and bleak places, however. So one of my favourite desert stories is that of Elijah who, in a period of danger, ran away into the barren desert. Elijah was a strong, forceful character, but after a setback in his ministry, he lost heart and became frightened. He  had no more motivation and lay down in the shade of a tree, wishing he would die. However what he found was that an  angel touched him gently and gave him bread baked on coals and water, telling him to eat in order to continue on his journey. He ate but had only the energy to sleep again. Again the angel gently touched him and encouraged him on his journey. Eventually Elijah rose and walked for forty days and nights to the Mountain of God.

As I have said before, these stories can be read on a number of levels.  Elijah is like a lot of us when events or people turn against us. It can lead us to doubt ourselves and the direction we have taken. Sometimes we feel we cannot go on anymore.  We may feel totally alone in the world. It is at that point, that frequently an “angel” comes to comfort and support us, someone whose encouragement or understanding simply gives us the strength to go on. An angel is a companion on our journey, sometimes a person, sometimes  other circumstances.  This angel is gentle and wakes Elijah up slowly. In our lives we notice that often others do not give up on us as easily as we give up on ourselves.  They are patient with us. I have found that they come into our lives at moments of difficulty, when we need consolation and comfort, restoring our trust, bringing us back to ourselves. At our deepest level having someone to share our hopes and fears with is what refreshes us most.

This presence becomes the nourishment we need at that time. In the story the angel brings bread baked on coals, symbolizing the ashes of the past experience. The angel opens our eyes and shows us what is right beside us to eat, which we had not seen up to that point. We have strengths within us that we are unaware of. Even in the desert of our difficulties there is bread. With the support from others, encouraged, we move on for forty days –  forty being the biblical number for transformation – leaving behind the past, moving on to a deeper sense of self.

Picture: Elijah in the Desert, Michael O’Brien.

This week, reduce stress at work: 2: Starting and Ending

Karl DuffyLeave a comment

Mindfulness practice encourages us to drop into our awareness of breathing and our inner world as a way of working with stress. However,  keeping the sense of connectedness we feel in our formal practice is not always easy in the midst of a constantly changing everyday work life. So we need to build informal practices  – little strategies –  to help us  strengthen our awareness skills. This post suggests some practices for the start and the end of the day – the transition moments which are really important in maintaining or restoring balance.

  • Draw attention to the act of travelling to work – be it in a car or by public transport. Notice  any tension while driving – such as shoulders tensed with hands wrapped on the steering wheel – and consciously work at releasing that tension. See if you can stay in the awareness of just travelling without already being in work mode before you even arrive there.
  • When you arrive,  take a moment to ground yourself before you enter the building. If parking the car, become aware of your walking across the car park. Slow down and notice any tendency to rush. Use the walk as a conscious reminder before the workday starts. Listen to the sounds as you walk, notice the air and look around you.
  • At the end of the workday, consciously draw a line under the work you have done, making an intention to leave your work at work. Acknowledge quietly to yourself the end of the workday and be grateful for what you have accomplished. If possible, breathe mindfully for just one moment, letting go of the work.
  • Again, notice any tendency to rush on your journey home. Try and mark a break with the tempo of the office by slowing down on the way to the car or transport.  Make the journey itself as conscious as possible, restoring any balance lost during the stress of the day. When you come to a red light, use the moment to consciously become aware of your body, releasing any tension that has built up.
  • When you get home it is good sometimes to draw attention to the transition from work space to home space, by changing clothes or having a shower. Formally acknowledge to yourself that you are now home. If you can, take five minutes to quieten down and drop into stillness.

Deepening your Practice 1: Let things be

Karl DuffyLeave a comment

Try to be mindful, and let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool.  All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will see many strange & wonderful things come and go, but you will be still.

Ajahn Chah