growth – Page 88 – Mindfulbalance

Why we are afraid to show our true selves

December 25, 2010February 21, 2011 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

It is striking that the first words spoken by the angels in the Christmas story are “Do not be afraid”. It is as if one of the most important messages needed to be communicated to us is for us not to be limited by our fears. Everyday we see that the mind likes to dwell in fear. In fact, it is striking to notice how much of our day-to-day life is governed by an undercurrent of fear, which lurks behind a lot of our behaviours. This is why it is so hard to just sit still or stand still and just be ourselves — not doing anything to prove ourselves — without feeling anxious or fidgety. For these reason, we frequently develop a False Self when young, a mask which we think will be more acceptable to others. This False self is in response to failures encountered when we were growing, which led us to believe that we were not acceptable just as we are. We feel we are not “good enough” and thus have to create a persona that we believe is better, maybe a “compulsive harder working self,” or an “always trying to please self”, or an always” taking care of others while neglecting our own needs” self.

However, the different wisdom traditions teach that our True Self is worthwhile in and of itself. Real freedom and joy is possible, without hiding, and our exterior self can reflect our ture interior being, provided we know where to start. We need to begin with developing a kindness and warmth towards ourselves, by cultivating the eyes of these angels towards our inner self. Maybe these divine visitors see more clearly into our true nature, and remind us to look to that, and not to the fearful thoughts that discourage us. At times we find it easier to see ourselves in a limited and impoverished way, with our repeated patterns of thinking reminding us that we are weak or struggling. These texts remind us that there is a natural courage deep inside us. They encourage us to believe, to dare, to open up to possibilities. Fully becoming who we are begins with where we are, actually, at this point in our lives. If they can see goodness and courage in us, why can’t we?

When disappointment strikes

December 22, 2010February 21, 2011 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

There are times when we are unsure of what exactly we can hold on to, when we feel on the borders of love and of meaning. The flow of life seems to pass our hearts by and we do not sense that we are where we should be. The ground is unsteady and we cannot see beyond this obstacle.

Obstacles occur at the outer and inner levels. At the outer level the sense is that something or somebody has harmed us, interfering with the harmony and peace we thought was ours. Someone has ruined it all. This particular sense of obstacle occurs in relationships and in many other situations; we feel disappointed, harmed, confused, and attacked in a variety of ways.

As for the inner level of obstacle, perhaps nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

Even if we run a hundred miles an hour ot the other side of the continent, we find the very same problem awaiting us when we arrive. It keeps returning with new names, forms, and manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us: Where are we separating ourselves from reality? How are we pulling back instead of opening up? How are we closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter?

Pema Chodron, Comfortable with Uncertainty.

Our dreams

December 22, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats.

No one can avoid them.

But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you’re fighting for.

Paulo Coelho

In our darkest night

December 21, 2010December 20, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

Being Irish, I always remember Newgrange on this day. It is an enormous burial tomb, built over 5000 years ago, before Stonehenge and the Pyramids. It has with a small, dark inner chamber where the light penetrates just once a year at the dawn of this day, to warm those who have died for a few moments.

The Ancient Celts knew intimately the passage of the sun and the sacredness of certain days. Today, the darkest and shortest day of the year, they ensured that the sun still touched where they were buried. For us too, no matter how dark our interior life becomes, or how deeply we feel buried, light can still enter and illuminate. No matter how frozen we feel or how we shut ourselves off in fear of expoitation by others, we can be warmed and opened.

May hope and light, in some way, touch us all today.

When I am weak there I am strong

December 20, 2010December 20, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

It is a general principle, in all the wisdom traditions, that we learn a lot from when we go through difficulties. We can broaden that out to say that sometimes we are wiser after we have made mistakes, if we regard them as opportunities to learn. Sometimes we clarify our awareness of what we want by seeing clearly what we do not want.