The practice of meditation is an investment of time in our inner life. This can often appear strange or a waste of time to people today. Today’s world has no difficult with us investing time and energy into our career, our body or relationships and seeing that this will lead to our happiness. However, meditation and other practies which nourish our inner selves and our sense of meaning can be less valued. However, true, lasting happiness, in the deepest sense, is somehow connected to our development of those aspects of our life.
This may be especially true when faced with the big questions, such as death or illness, or at times of difficulty or inner strife, as we tend to turn to the values which we have chosen to underpin our day-to-day existence. Often what is revealed is that our real, actual, refuges at times of stress are things like alcohol, food, sex, shopping and so forth. At times like these we show what defines our humanity. The question we fall back to is how do we take on difficult reality as it unfolds, navigate it, while staying truly awake and alive in this moment of life, whatever its shape. How can we pay attention to the deepest stirrings of our inner lives in dialogue with the ever-changing circumstances of the world in which we live.
One reason we may take refuge in things other than our inner self is that we are afraid to let others see us as scared or needy in times of difficulty. That is why our relationships have to be open to all aspects of our being, including the development of our inner lives. As adults we have the difficult task of developing our own self-nurturance while remaining open to deep relationships with others. For this reason, relationships which are safe and allow us reveal our inner selves – withour struggles and weaknesses – are one of the greatest blessings in our lives.
The late poet, philosopher and priest John O’Donoghue made popular the notion of Anamchara, an Irish word from early monastic times, which meant a spiritual director or one whom you shared your spiritual life with. The translation of the word means “soul friend”. In O’Donoghue’s writing it has a wider sense than the original but is deeper than word “soul mate” used in English today. It means a true friendship, which is open to the deepest values in the person. This sort of friendship comes rarely into a person’s life and one is truly fortunate when it occurs:
“With an Anam Cara you can share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. In everyone’s life there is a great need for an Anam Cara, the superficial and functional lies and half truths of acquaintance fall away, with them you can be as you really are. Anam Cara’s understand where you are coming from and understanding is precious, where you are understood you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging”.
When you love, you open your life to an Other. All your barriers are down. Your protective distances collapse. This person is given absolute permission to come into the deepest temple of your spirit. Your presence and life can become their ground. It takes great courage to let someone so close. When you are blessed with an “Anam Cara”, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: home. This bond between friends is indissoluble: “This, I say, is what is broken by no chances, what no interval of time or space can sever or destroy, and what even death itself cannot part”.
From the Christian author Henri Nouwen, some ways of working with negative thoughts, from a deeper perspective of our inner self, rooted in meaning:
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