We have a lot of control over our responses to things, even things that provoke spontaneous reactions inside us, such as noise, traffic problems, heat or irritating work environments. We can learn from the response of Ajahn Chah, the Thai meditation master, who was meditating in his hut when a noisy celebration erupted outside. This can apply to external noise, but also can be applied to internal noise and chatter:
If my mind does not go out to disturb the noise,
the noise won’t disturb me.
The Buddha once asked a student, “If a person is struck by an arrow is it painful?” The student replied, “It is.” The Buddha then asked, “If the person is struck by a second arrow, is that even more painful?” The student replied again, “It is.” The Buddha then explained, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.
We do not have to wait long for life to bring us moments of difficulty or challenges. These can give rise to difficult emotions of greater or lesser intensity, such as sadness, anger or hurt. For as long as we live we will encounter such moments. Therefore, one of the most useful skills we can develop is how to work with such events and the subsequent emotions.
The Buddha’s teaching, quoted above, is a useful strategy to remember. He distinguishes between the pain we naturally feel in life, and the pain that we shape ourselves. For example, we may naturally fall ill by picking up a virus or some illness that is doing the rounds. However, we may then add to our problems by the way we respond to the illness or the way the illness gives rise to a host of negative thoughts about ourselves or how our life is going. In other words, the pain is natural, but we create suffering by how we perceive the event and the physical sensations, how we judge them, and how we respond to them.
When something difficult happens to us, we have a tendency to commence a whole bunch of mental processes that can lead to more difficulties and create suffering — often thus adding more pain than there was originally. We dont like what is happening, and then start finding fault in ourselves or others, blaming, judging, and generally feeling sorry for ourselves.
This teaching is grounded in our mindfulness practice. We are trying to develop the skill to be able to open up to these strong emotions without either letting them discharge themselves in blame or self-pity, or running away from them or distracting ourselves from them as is easy in today’s society. In doing this we just try and let the moment be, without adding. Because life is complex we will encounter many situations in which elements are not ours to control, or in which things happen without malicious intention. Paradoxically, sometimes it is right and appropriate just to be sad.
We tend to consider imagination too lightly, forgetting that the life we make, for ourselves individually and for the world as a whole, is shaped and limited only by the perimeters of our imagination. Things are as we imagine them to be, as we imagine them into existence. Imagination is creativity, and the way we make our world depends on the vitality of our imagination.
Thomas Moore The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life
Those who love life are tolerant of its ups and downs,
its reversals and leaps forward.
Those who love life, enjoy playing it by ear, engaging life without a printed score, simply flowing with its melody.
By keeping our agendas flexible and minimizing our demands, life can be a melodic song.
Whenever circumstances interrupt the normal rhythm of life,
those who cultivate patience and inner freedom are able to improvise with a life situation like jazz musicians,
making up music as they go along.
The emphasis in playing it by ear is on playfulness.
Edward Hays The Great Escape Manual
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering
can the soul be strengthened,
ambition inspired,
and success achieved….
All the world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming.
Helen Keller
Our culture invariably supposes that action and accomplishment are better than rest, that doing something – anything – is better than doing nothing. Because of our desire to succeed, to meet these ever-growing expectations we do not rest.
Because we do not rest we lose our way. We miss the compass points that would show us where to go, we bypass the nourishment that would give us succor.
We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom. We miss the joy and love born of effortless delight.
Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in our Busy Lives.
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