Do not judge each day
by the harvest you reap
but by the seeds
that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Month: May 2010
Not everything goes to plan 2: Don’t get alarmed
We have two kinds of fears. One is a fear that whatever is going on is going to go on forever. It’s just not true – nothing goes on forever. The other is the fear that, even if it doesn’t go on forever, the pain of whatever is happening will be so terrible we won’t be able to stand it. There is a gut level of truth about this fear. It would be ridiculous to pretend that in our lives, in these physical bodies, which can hurt very much, and in relationships that can hurt very much, there aren’t some very, very painful times. Even so, I think we underestimate ourselves. Terrible as times may be, I believe we can stand them.
Because we become frightened as soon as a difficult mind state blows into the mind, we start to fight with it. We try to change it, or we try to get rid of it. The frenzy of the struggle makes the mind state even more unpleasant.
The familiar image is a children’s cartoon character, like Daffy Duck, walking along freely and suddenly stepping into toffee. In a hasty, awkward attempt to extricate himself, he might fall forward and backward and eventually be totally stuck in the toffee. The best solution would be the nonalarmed recognition, ‘This is toffee. I didn’t see it as I stepped into it, but I felt it after I got stuck. It’s just toffee. The whole world is not made out of toffee. What would be a wise thing for me to do now?’
Sylvia Boorstein, It’s Easier Than You Think
Working with unpredictability
We have been born into an imperfect world, characterized by unpredictability and adversity, as finite human beings who change their minds, make mistakes, get confused, and think irrationally. There is much to contend with, and our ability to prevent or circumvent difficulty is quite limited. We aren’t omnipotent beings, and while we try to protect ourselves and maintain order in our lives, we simply don’t have the ability to safeguard ourselves from its disasters.
Things happen, and there may be nothing we can do to change that, but we can control our responses to them. We don’t have to despair in the face of disaster. We can either continue to respond in the way we’ve always done and get progressively worse, or we can turn things around and use our misfortune to aid our inner growth. We grow more quickly if we are open to working with difficulties rather than constantly running away from them. We learn to face unfavorable circumstances and “take them as the path” so that we are working with our problems rather than against them.
Traleg Kyabgon Rinpoche, Training the Mind to Transform Adversity into Awakening
The truth one cannot deny
Sometimes we have to trust our deepest feelings,
or go with what we know deep in our heart.
The center that I cannot find
is known to my unconscious mind.
Auden
Choosing and Unchoosing
This weekend I have been reflecting on two different aspects of choice.
The first comes from my work with people who are wrestling with difficulties in their life. One area which I focus on is helping them with decisions. What is sometimes hard to accept is that when we choose something, it means that we un-choose something else. The root meaning of the word decision comes from the latin decisio meaning to cut or split. Inevitably something is cut out or let go of. What we work towards is that the person makes the choice and is able to stand over that choice. In other words, we are on this planet for a lifetime, and we wish to arrive at our final days with a realization that our choices have not led to regrets.
However there is a second reflection on choice. Sometimes people arrive at a stage in their life having let go of something or made choices for one aspect of their life over another. They have neglected deep aspects of themeselves or not developed all of their potential, out of fear or by following normal conventions. In these cases, the unchosen parts of their lives, if not fully processed, become the problem, by going underground and reappearing later to cause difficulties. What we need to realize is that true fulfillment only comes by integrating all the aspects of our selves into our choices, not by neglecting them.
Being happy today 3: Let go of conditions
Each of us has a notion of how we can be happy. We could make a list of what we think we need to be happy: “I can only be happy if…” Write down the things you want and the things you do not want. Where did these ideas come from? Are they only your notions? If you are committed to a particular notion of happiness, you do not have much chance to be happy.
Happiness arrives from many directions. If you have a notion that it comes only from one direction, you will miss all of these other opportunities because you want happiness to come only from the direction you want. You say, “I would rather die than marry anyone but her. I would rather die than lose my job, my reputation. I cannot be happy if I don’t get that degree or that promotion or that house.” You have put many conditions on your happiness. And then, even if you do have all your conditions met, you still won’t be happy. You will just keep creating new conditions for your happiness. You will still want the new relationship, the higher degree, the better job and the more beautiful house.
Please remember that your notions of happiness may be very dangerous. Happiness can only be possible in the here and now. Go back and examine deeply your notions and ideas of happiness. So let go of what you believed yesterday. Let go of what you thought last week you needed to be happy. The conditions of happiness that are in your life now are enough.
Thich Nhat Hahn
Mindfulbalance 