Most of our dissatisfaction in life comes from a mind that acts in one of two ways. Either it pulls – wants some things that are going on in our lives (or in others’ lives) or it pushes away – it does not want elements of what is happening to us at the moment. This pushing or pulling – which is frequently linked to us comparing ourselves with real or imagined others – makes it very difficult for us to enjoy the present moment. As I once heard meditation teacher Larry Rosenberg say, we live in “what actually is” but we insist on thinking ourselves into “what is not”:
You [have] a hidden demand that life be other than it is, and then you suffer and cause others to suffer. The present moment isn’t acceptable because you aren’t getting what you want, or you are not who you want to be, or there is something you want to get rid of. Even if it is a pleasant moment, you worry about the future and wanting to have still more pleasant moments, so you are still being defined by attachment. You are not willing to accept what the future may be, so you suffer in this moment over what is really only a concept. But the future is not here now. It may turn out the way you want it to, or you may change your mind about what you want. What you believe may be awful if it happens may turn out to not be so bad or to lead to some unanticipated good alternative.
Phillip Moffitt, Dancing with Life
