The essence of practice is always the same:
instead of falling prey to a chain reaction
of revenge or hatred,
we gradually learn to catch the emotional reaction
and drop the story lines.
Pema Chodron
Category: Working with difficult moments
What makes our roots strong
Challenges develop fortitude and strength…One of the biggest problems for astronauts living in space is the loss of bone mass due to zero-gravity. With no gravity to resist the astronauts become weaker. In the biological big-bubble experiment known as Biosphere 2, the trees eventually had to be attached by cables to the framework above. This is because there was no wind in the Biosphere , and with nothing to resist the trees became weak and needed support. Similarly, without something to work against – without situations of some gravity – our body and mind begin to atrophy. We need something to press against in life in order to stay strong and grow.
Andrew Holecek, The Power and the Pain: Transforming Spiritual Hardship into Joy
Not getting locked in
Each time you stay present with fear and uncertainty, you’re letting go of an habitual way of finding security and comfort. All those brain studies about meditation – where they place people in MRI machines or put electrodes on their heads – show us that each time you dare to remain where you are and do something completely fresh, unconventional and non-habitual, you open up new pathways in the brain. You experience that as strength, and it builds your capacity to be open the next time round. [However] it’s not like if you get it right once, if you overcome your jealousy or your anger once, then it’s smooth sailing for the rest of your life. There will be reruns. That means you will have lots and lots of chances to rouse yourself and let go. No need to exaggerate an emotional pattern, fixate on it, fuel it with more thoughts, or go into a tailspin. When you feel the shakiness, when the thoughts start to arise, when the tailspin is beginning, another rerun is in progress. You simply rouse yourself and let yourself be there.
Pema Chodron
A simple practice for working with difficult moments (and people)
Difficult situations or difficult relationship often give rise to a sense of fear in us, leading to blame, withdrawal or self-judgement. Here is a simple practice to use in such times, to extend kindness, firstly towards ourselves and then towards others or the situation
Sitting with your spine erect, breathe deeply, placing your finger tips over the center of your chest, if you like.
As you inhale extend compassion to yourself by silently saying as you breathe out, “May compassion awaken”. Inhale and exhale for several breaths, focusing on the center of your chest.
Then you may wish to picture a person to whom you wish to extend compassion. Again, as you exhale, silently say, “May compassion awaken”. Inhale and exhale for several breaths, focusing on the center of your chest.
Recalling the person [or the situation], silently say “May whatever clouds compassion be healed” Repeat this cycle with the phrase “May this moment be experienced, exactly as it is” and finally, “May compassion be extended to all”
Adapted from Elizabeth Hamilton
Getting places, despite our fears
We could summarize the whole path into one word: relaxing – relaxing into the nature of your own mind. However when we start to relax, the repressed elements of the body/mind come up – it is like a Pandora’s Box. We discover there is a reason we repressed those elements in the first place – we did not want to deal with them. Meditation gives us a second chance to relate to unwanted experience in a healthy way based on equanimity and acceptance. These “regressive” elements, such as your life falling apart, can be good news. You are starting to get someplace when you come up against barriers of fear and anxiety. What we have been doing in these situations our entire life is running away from them…What is continually whispered into the subconscious mind is to avoid fear at all cost. Unless we address that fear, everything we do is fear-based. Actually, fear is the indicator of where we should go in order to grow. …We spend our entire lives running from this emotion. We need to get to know it, make friends with it. The root of the word fear is “fare”, a toll. Facing fear is the toll we have to pay to become fearless.
Andrew Holocek, Good News: Your Life is Falling Apart.
The one who knows
Every time I reacted negatively, pushing things away, that action implied that there was something to fear. That this feeling or this thought was dangerous; that it was going to really hurt me, or invade me; that it was something that was really me and mine. As I began to welcome it all I realised that when you accept everything, only then can you sense that, after all, there is nothing to fear. None of it really belongs to a self or comes from a self. It cannot touch the mind which knows, cannot affect its nature. Whatever shape of vessel you pour the water into, with this same total accommodation, the water changes to the shape of the bottle. It doesn’t say: ‘I will not be poured into a square bottle, square bottles are not my scene. Round bottles only, please!’ When there is complete acceptance, there is just the sense of being the knowing, being that which is aware of all that comes through the mind.
Ajahn Amaro
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