The dysfunctional myths that drive our lives

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People [have always] faced the same kinds of  issues we face now, but with different window dressing. In the time of the Buddha men and women were arguing, gossiping, judging others, losing their perspective, overreacting, sexualizing their experiences, chasing after greener pastures, obsessing about nonessentials, feeling lonely and creating too many pipe dreams. Nothing has fundamentally altered.

How many of us, for example, are still convinced, mature as we may be, that if our partner would only change, or if we could meet the perfect person, everything would be fine?  These are the dysfunctional myths and illusions that drive our lives in very dissatisfying directions.  How many people remember the song from the musical Fiddler on the Roof – “If I were a Rich Man…”  What is your “big if”?  The big “if” that leads you away from wisdom and reality?

Lama Surya Das,  Awakening the Buddha within

Sunday Quote: Where we seek

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All the suffering in the world comes from seeking pleasure for oneself. 

All the happiness in the world comes from seeking pleasure for others.

Shantideva

…by being compassionate towards your emotions

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All of our emotions are our babies.

Treat them tenderly, care for them.  Be with them. 

Understanding and compassion will ultimately transform them.

Thich Nhat Hanh,  Walking Meditation

Accepting yourself as you are….

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Both our upbringing and our culture provide the immediate breeding ground for this contemporary epidemic of feeling deficient and unworthy. Many of us have grown up with parents who gave us messages about where we fell short and how we should be different from the way we are. We were told to be special, to look a certain way, to act a certain way, to work harder, to win, to succeed, to make a difference, and not to be too demanding, shy or loud. An indirect but insidious message for many has been “Don’t be needy.” Because our culture so values independence, self-reliance and strength, even the word “needy” evokes shame. To be considered as needy is utterly demeaning, contemptible. And yet, we all have needs – physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual.  So the basic message is, “Your natural way of being is not okay. To be acceptable you must be different from the way you are.”

Tara Brach

Running away from parts of ourselves

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If there are whole parts of yourself that you are always running from, that you even feel justified in running from, then you’re going to run from anything that brings you into contact with your feelings of insecurity. Have you noticed how often these parts of ourselves get touched? The closer you get to a situation or a person, the more these feelings arise. Often when you’re in a relationship it starts off great, but when it gets intimate and begins to bring out your neurosis, you just want to get out of there.

So I’m here to tell you that the path to peace is right there, when you want to get away. You can cruise through life not letting anything touch you, but if you really want to live fully, if you want to enter into life, enter into genuine relationships with other people, with animals, with the world situation, you’re definitely going to have the experience of feeling provoked, of getting hooked. You’re not just going to feel bliss. The message is that when those feelings emerge, this is not a failure. This is the chance to cultivate unconditional friendliness toward your perfect and imperfect self.

Pema Chodron

Being courageous today

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Courage is like –  it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue:

you get it by courageous acts.

It’s like you learn to swim by swimming.

You learn courage by couraging.

Mary Daly