We all have a tendency to look outside for someone or some idea which will answer the questions which our lives pose, or in the face of changes which we do not expect. The current ongoing economic crises, news of natural or man-made disasters, unusual weather patterns, or even ancient calendars can mean that this New Year continues the ongoing sense of fear and uncertainty which has characterized the last few years. This exterior climate inevitably has an effect on our interior state of mind and the confidence we feel. It is not easy living in a time of fear, and it means we are more likely to seek solutions and changes proposed by others which seem to offer a more solid footing. Now we all receive guidance from other people and from reading the works of experienced teachers. However, when the external environment is tinged with fear, we often become more security-oriented in our lives, and the fear can prompt us to seek simple, quick certainties .
In general, mindfulness practice tells us that the best way to work with change is to look inside, and to slowly increase our interior freedom in the face of our fearful thoughts. It allows us to go beneath the surface level of reactive experience, which is frequently filtered through conditioning and emotions. It places our confidence in the working of the mind, not in looking excessively to heroes or gurus or the latest, quick-fix solutions. In this way, its slow confident progress is at odds with a rapidly changing world, which loves quick solutions and neat, happy endings.
This encouragement to look within applies to all, even to the best of teachers. In this story, the great Thai teacher, Ajahn Chah, takes advantage of Ajahn Sumedho’s complaints to make the point that, no matter what is going on in our lives or in the world, we have within us a capacity to work with it. We can apply this in our lives today, whenever we notice our tendency either to blame people or factors outside our mind for our moods or wishing for some magical change to come in the future.
Through the early years of his life as a monk with Ajahn Chah, Ajahn Sumedho was full of inspiration and could find no flaw in his teacher. As time went by and the glamour wore off somewhat, more and more cracks started to be seen in Ajahn Chah’s perfection. After some time Ajahn Sumedho could not hold back any longer and decided to broach these criticisms with the Master. Even though such face-to-face criticism is much avoided in Thai society, Ajahn Sumedho was an all-American boy and decided to talk straight. He went to Ajahn Chah and asked permission to recount his grievances, to which Ajahn Chah listened carefully and receptively.
When Ajahn Sumedho reached the end of his litany of complaints, Ajahn Chah paused for a few moments and then said: “Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m not perfect, Sumedho, otherwise you might be looking for the Buddha somewhere outside your own mind”
Perhaps the most common and pernicious form of non-listening is our non-listening to ourselves. So much of what we actually feel and think is unacceptable to us. We have been actually conditioned over a lifetime to simply not hear all our own self-pity, anger, desire, jealousy, wonder. Most of what we take to be our adult response is no more than our unconscious decision not to listen to what goes on inside us. And as with any human relationship, not listening to ourselves damages our self-respect. To allow ourselves to feel what we actually do feel – not to be afraid or dismayed but to open up a space inside our hearts large enough to safely contain what we feel, with the faith that whatever comes up is workable and even necessary – this is what any healthy, mature human being needs to do and what we so often fail to do.
Mindfulbalance 