Get used to sitting

benchWe might ask, “Given my present situation, how long should I stay with uncomfortable feelings?”  This is a good question, yet there is no right answer. We simply get accustomed to coming back to the present just as it is for a second, for a minute, for an hour — whatever is currently natural — without its becoming an endurance trial. Just pausing for two to three breaths is a perfect way to stay present. This is a good use of our life. Indeed, it is an excellent, joyful use of our life.  

Pema Chodron, Taking the Leap.

In our hands

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Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy—because we will always want to have something else or something more.

David Steindl-Rast

A mind that pushes and pulls

Most of our dissatisfaction in life comes from a mind that acts in one of two ways. Either it pulls – wants some things that are going on in our lives (or in others’ lives) or it pushes away – it does not want elements of what is happening to us at the moment. This pushing or pulling –  which is frequently linked to us comparing ourselves with real or imagined others –  makes  it very difficult for us to enjoy the present moment. As I once heard meditation teacher Larry Rosenberg say, we live in “what actually is” but we insist on thinking ourselves into “what is not”:

You [have] a hidden demand that life be other than it is, and then you suffer and cause others to suffer. The present moment isn’t acceptable because you aren’t getting what you want, or you are not who you want to be, or there is something you want to get rid of.  Even if it is a pleasant moment, you worry about the future and wanting to have still more pleasant moments, so you are still being defined by attachment. You are not willing to accept what the future may be, so you suffer in this moment over what is really only a concept. But the future is not here now. It may turn out the way you want it to, or you may change your mind about what you want. What you believe may be awful if it happens may turn out to not be so bad or to lead to some unanticipated good alternative.

Phillip Moffitt, Dancing with Life

Becoming patient

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From a different tradition to this morning’s post, but with a similar point to make. Catholic writer Henri Nouwen encourages the development of patience in order to fully enter into and see what is in front of us. Too often we rush and do not allow the moment, the person,  or the event reveal themselves as they are. We dismiss the moment  as not interesting, or see it from our own place, not able to leave it “right there, right there” as the Buddha said this morning.

If we cannot be patient, we cannot become patient. We cannot be compassionate. If we ourselves are unable to suffer, we cannot suffer with others, which is the meaning of compassion. Patience is the capacity to see, hear, touch, taste and smell as fully as possible the inner and outer events of our lives. It is to enter our lives with open eyes, ears, and hands, so that we really know what is happening. Patience is an extremely difficult discipline precisely because it counteracts our unreflective impulse to flee or to fight. Patience requires us to go beyond the choice between fleeing or fighting. It is the third and most difficult way. It calls for discipline because it goes against the grain of our impulses.

Henry Nouwen, Compassion

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Our silent war

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At almost any point in my day if I stop and check down inside, I will find some version of my silent mantra – this moment should be different! – going on. I dislike how it is right now. It is not so pleasant. I want it to be like it was the other day, last week, last year. Or, I love how it is right now. It’s very pleasant. I want it to stay. How can I make this pleasant feeling stay? How can I keep the flow of experience from snatching it away? Oh don’t let it go. Each of us has our own silent War With Reality. And whatever our particular War With Reality is, the result is always a pervasive sense of the unsatisfactoriness of the moment.

Stephen Cope, The Wisdom of Yoga

Sunday Quote: Home

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The ache for home lives in all of us,

the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Maya Angelou