It takes a great person to creatively inhabit her own mind and not turn her mind into a destructive force that can ransack her life. [Even some] lovely people feel that their real identity is working on themselves, and some work on themselves with such harshness. Like a demented gardener who won’t let the soil settle for anything to grow, they keep raking, tearing away the nurturing clay from their own heart, then they’re surprised that they feel so empty and vacant. Self-compassion is paramount. When you are compassionate with yourself, you trust in your soul, which you let guide your life. Your soul knows the geography of your destiny better than you do.
John O’Donohue
I have heard it said that 90 percent of getting along well in life is in showing up for it. I’d add to that thought – showing up fully in each moment. Being present is not just present in body alone but in body and clear mind…We may acknowledge at some level that all the moments in our lives are teachers, but we don’t always want to meet the teacher., so we seek sometimes to control or regulate our experience in a variety of ways. If we have any hope of being free from the habitual swings of our reactions, if we have any wish to live more openly and freely, if we see to, as writer Barbara Kingsolver says “look life in the eye and love it back” then we need to take a look at what is clouding our view.
Today is the Catholic Feast of All Souls, and there are a lot of traditions in these early November days – around the Celtic Feast of Samhain, when the gap between this world and the spirit world was considered thinner – in which people remember those who have died. Here in France – and even more so in Italy- it is a day for visiting the graves of relatives who have died, and the traditional plant placed on the grave, – the bright chrysanthemum – is everywhere to be seen. It is a burst of colour at the start of a period of shorter, darker days, a symbol of life on a day which could tinged with sadness.
Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. It is natural, even instinctive to prefer comfort to pain, the familiar to the unknown. But sometimes our instincts are not wise. Life usually offers us far more than our biases and preferences will allow us to have. Beyond comfort lie grace, mystery and adventure. We may need to let go of our beliefs and ideas about life in order to have life.
Pleasant conditions change into unpleasant ones, and unpleasant conditions eventually become pleasant. We should just keep this awareness of impermanence and be at peace with the way things are, not demanding that they be otherwise. The people we live with, the places we live in, the society we are a part of – we should just be at peace with everything. But most of all we should be at peace with ourselves-that is the big lesson to learn in life. It is really hard to be at peace with oneself. I find that most people have a lot of self-aversion. It is much better to be at peace with our own bodies and minds than anything else, and not demand that they be perfect, that we be perfect, or that everything be good. We can be at peace with the good and the bad. 
The on-the-spot practice of being fully present, feeling your heart and greeting the next moment with an open mind can be done at any time: when you wake up in the morning, before a difficulty conversation, whenever fear or discomfort arises. This practice is a beautiful way to claim… your courage, your kindness, your kindness, your strength. Whenever it occurs to you, you can pause briefly, touch in with how you’re feeling both physically and mentally, and then connect with your heart – even putting your hand on your heart if you want to. This is a way of extending warmth and acceptance to whatever is going on for you right now.
Mindfulbalance 