Learning to surf

As human beings we have a tendency to scramble for certainty whenever we realize that everything around us is in flux. In difficult times the stress of trying to find solid ground – something predictable and safe to stand on – seems to intensify. But in truth the very nature of our existence is forever in flux. Everything keeps changing, whether we are aware of it or not. So this is where we find ourselves, right in the middle of a dilemma. And it leaves us with some provocative questions: How can we live wholeheartedly in the face of impermanence…? What is it like to realize that we can never completely and finally get it all together? Is it possible to increase our tolerance for instability and change?

Pema Chodron, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change

Getting comfortable with uncertainty

 

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows, We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.

Agnes George de Mille, American dancer and Choreographer.

Let things come in and go out

When you are practicing … do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. If something comes into your mind, let it come in, and let it go out. It will not stay long. When you try to stop your thinking, it means you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything. It appears as if something comes from outside your mind, but actually it is only the waves of your mind, and if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer. […] Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm.

Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

Stop trying to make things different

The easiest way to relax is to stop trying to make things different. Rather than trying to create another state, simply allow space for whatever is going on. If you sit down after being busy and your mind feels agitated or chaotic, try just seeing that state for what it is and accepting it. You might frame your whole mind-body expereince with the mental note “chaos, chaos”. Instead of having an agenda to change the quality of your energy, you enjoy the use of this simple key to just open to the energy that is there. This does not mean either spacing out or being entanglesd in your agitated thoughts. Rather, through accpetance we settle back into natural awarenss of whatever is present. Then things settle down by themselves in a natural way. Struggle comes  from not accepting what is present.

Joseph Goldstein, Insight Meditation

Holding a space and not forcing meaning

We get a lot of opportunities in our lives to practice with difficult events we do not understand or experiences that we do not know how they will turn out in the end. So there is a constant dialogue between emptiness and form, with the mind preferring to have definite form most times. We like to be able to give things a definite name, even, paradoxically, preferring to put words like “I’m falling apart”  on an experience of confusion or doubt, rather than leave it as an unpleasant feeling.  We quickly like to compare experiences with words like “not as good as”,  or “went really well”  becoming fixed early or immediately after some event. The problem with this is that the mind tends to solidify around the naming and fix the experience there, even though its full meaning has not yet come to light. So there is a wisdom in not naming, in being able to hold a space around an experience which in ongoing. The main ongoing skill in mindfulness practice , which we return to over and over again,  is being present in the present moment. We are between what has happened ( which is now a memory, but may be quite active in our emotions and fears, influencing our naming) and what could happen (which is at this moment just a thought). We are in the present, which is really the only time there  is. We try to ground our whole sense of balance there, instead of creating fears and what-if’s in our rush to have meaning.  Everything else is uncertain.

In-between is where humans always are,
that’s what we have to welcome,
a story with an uncertain ending.

And this condition is interesting if you inhabit it;
it’s alive.

If I’m facing something that I don’t know what to do,
the “not knowing” is what is true,
and the resources that I have,
deeply ignorant that I am,
will have to be enough.

John Tarrant

A practice for seeing difficulties differently today

1. Consider that in order to build character the practice of patience is essential.

2. See that the best way to practice patience requires an enemy.

3. Understand that in this way enemies are very valuable for the opportunities they provide.

4. Decide that instead of getting angry with those who block your wishes, you will inwardly  respond with gratitude.

By seeing things this way you will change your attitude toward adversity. This is very difficult but very rewarding. For only when faced with the work of adversity can we discover real inner strength.

The Dalai Lama, How to be Compassionate, A Handbook for Creating Inner Peace and a Happier World