When your mind is reeling in confusion, breathe deeply into the centre of your chest.
Connecting to ther core of your being this way extends loving kindness to yourself , even when there is none in sight.
Ezra Bayda
Tag: Fear
Can we get a bailout from our fear?
Was listening to the radio from Ireland earlier this evening. It is striking to note how economic uncertainty generates fear, and this fear can cause so much turmoil. It shows us how much we like the illusion of knowing where we are going and get so anxious when we realize that so many things are outside our control. At times like this we can see people feeling unprepared and scared in what they see as a harsh and hostile world.
Cetainly, when times are difficult it is only natural to feel sorrow, fear, despair, confusion, discouragement, and so on. It is however, striking to note how quickly we move to think that something is wrong with us. We seem to think that it is our right to feel that things should go well for us, and that if we start to feel depressed, lonely, or inadequate, that something has gone wrong with the plan for our lives. True, it is natural to have fears that arise from time to time in response to real situations. However what we notice is that an underlying presence of fear is often in the background throughout our days and that seems to be something that we simply have to work with. We cannot turn to outside distractions to bail us out. Each day a lot of our time is often simply concerned with dealing with this presence. Our practice teaches us one way : to sit with these feelings and to see them, like other mental events, as passing through the mind, and stop them before they develop into the full-blown fear that makes practice difficult. We try to stay with the felt experience in our bodies, and separate that from the storylines which so easily arise. I know this in theory, and can do it today becaue the economic siutuation in Ireland does not affect me as I no longer live there. However, in other matters, closer to home, I do not find it as easy. I get hooked too easily in the storyline and identify with it, believing its “truths” about me and my lack of strength, and get uncertain about my direction and my goals.
Fear spreads; it is our constant companion. It seems to be the default position of our minds. Our practice is essentially how to work with it and continually soften out hearts in the face of it. Wisdom comes from accepting that good times happen and bad times happen. We try to be present no matter what.
We cannot be in the present moment and run our story lines at the same time. Impermanence becomes vivid in the present moment; so do compassion and wonder and courage. And so does fear. In fact, anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present, without a reference point, experiences some fear. That’s when our understanding goes deeper, when we find that the present moment can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time.
Pema Chodron, Comfortable with Uncertainty
When things go wrong
A lot of practical things went wrong for me today – computers, recordings, simple practical details around courses. This added extra work onto the calendar and in speeding up things gets lost and mislaid. Have you ever noticed that sometimes when things like this go wrong and disturb us, we have a tendency to think that something is wrong with us or the overall direction of our lives. We may simply think we are doing too much. Sometimes it can go deeper and we think our whole life is out of sync. We seem to have a deep-down tendency to identify with a difficulty and let that affect how we see ourselves or how our life is going. This can also lead us to split the world into “good” and “bad” – or them and us- seeing the situation or a person as all bad, and thinking that the best way of dealing with difficulties is to move them completely out of our life. Sadly, this maximizing of distance in order to increase a sense of personal safety often just solidifies our fearful or defensive sense of self.
Splitting is one of the primitive defense mechanisms described from Freud onwards, and is found particularly in Melanie Klein’s work. It is one of the more simplistic ways of dealing with life’s problems, rooted in the baby’s tendency of associating good experiences with a “good” person and bad experiences with a “bad” person. It is generally replaced as the child gets older by an understanding that good and bad occasions can reside in the one person and that does not make them “bad”. It is, nonetheless a common way of behaving even in adults. It is often activated when we are threatened, and means that we are unable to see complexity in a situation or a person, preferring rather seeing it or them as all bad. It tells us that there is no grey area, and as a result people are frozen into a certain moment or fault and we let that moment define them. We can do it to ourselves also and solidify the most negative core beliefs about ourselves, letting them define our life, seeing it as threatened or frightened.
Mindfulness practice can help us be aware of this and other defense mechanisms arising, – to see fear forming – and help us notice the desire to withdraw – normally accompanied by a kind of defensive story-line- as it appears. If we can spot this happening we may have enough of a gap to see the whole drama . If so, we can question what is feeling threatened, whether it is really actually me, or some story which I have about myself and my life. If we can resist the tendency to split we can come to see that everything is actually workable. We can then experience for ourselves that it is ultimately possible to be open to everything, and to keep a compassionate heart available for others and for all that occurs in our lives.
Halloween demons and monsters
A similar post with a halloween theme, on how to work with the fears which our mind creates. It suggests that the best way to work with our fears involves turning towards and holding them in non-judgmental awareness, rather than fighting or running away:
Normally we empower our demons by believing that they are real and strong in themselves and have the power to destroy us…. [But]…demons are ultimately part of the mind and, as such, have no independent existence.
Nonetheless we engage with them as though they were real, and we believe in their existence – ask anyone who has fought post-traumatic stress, or addiction, or anxiety. The mind perceives demons as real, so we get up caught up in battling with them. Usually this habit of fighting against our perceived problems gives demons strength, rather than weakening them. In the end all demons are rooted in our tendency to create polarization. By understanding how to work with this tendency – to try and dominate the perceived enemy and to see things as either/or – we free ourselves from demons by eliminating them at their very source.
Tsultrim Allione, Feeding your Demons: Ancient Wisdon for Resolving Inner Conflict
Sunday Quote: Dragons
Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.
Rilke
Everything comes around
Don’t grieve.
Anything you lose comes round in another form
Rumi
Mindfulbalance 