friendship – Page 10 – Mindfulbalance

Little acts of kindness

November 27, 2010November 27, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

Life is so difficult, how can we be anything but kind?

Sylvia Boornstein, Happiness is an Inside Job

Each day there are innumerable moments when we have the possibility to be kind or helpful to one another. We can choose not to. However, it seems to me that much of life is made up of innumerable little occasions like this.

We can wait around to do something big with our life. Or we can do the little things that are presented each day.

The purpose of human life, why we survive, why we live, is to give happiness to [others]. Even if we cannot do everything now, just to stop one problem of another person is worthwhile.

Lama Thubten Zopa Rinpoche

Simply saying things clearly

November 21, 2010November 22, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

One thing mindfulness practice encourages us to make space for what is going on in our life, notice it, and express it clearly and concretely. It is a good practice in working with what is going on inside us, as well as what is going on between us and others. Simply naming can be a first step in dealing with difficult situations, as was shown in two UCLA studies which looked at the practice of labeling emotion states .

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to record brain activity, researcher Matthew Lieberman Ph.D, found that assigning names to negative emotions reduces the intensity of activity in the amygdala — the part of the brain that acts as an alarm system and sets off stress-related reactions. By simply putting a name on the distress, Lieberman says, you can wield more power over your amygdala’s activity. For example, when you attach the word ‘angry,’” he explains, “you see a decreased response in the amygdala”.

We are shown how to do this simple, gentle naming of experience in this poem by American writer David Budbill:

Say rather:

Its a nice day.

Pass the mashed potatoes please

Look, there’s a chickadee.

Your voice makes me swoon.

Let’s plant the beans.

I miss my dead mother so much today

I want to touch your face.

Clean up the mess!

What’s better than a cool glass of water?

I feel so sad, all I want to do is cry.

What time is it?

I want to touch you everywhere.

Let’s go for a walk.

Will you have tea with me?

Let’s play some music.

I dont want to die.

Come visit again soon.

David Budhill, Don’t Speak in the Abstract

Do our lives and work embody the essential?

November 17, 2010November 18, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

The more Jung worked with people, the more he came to believe that the key problems facing most who came to him for therapy were not psychological illnesses but whether they were in touch with the deepest parts of their being. This is probably even more true today, as more and more of peoples’ material needs are fulfilled and yet more and more people express unhappiness with their lives. In Jung’s view, most suffering today stems from the fact that we have lost a connection with the mythic dimension of life. Our capacity to be in a relationship with something more profound than what is seen is what makes for real, ongoing growth. We have a depth dimension and to become fully human requires that we keep an openness to this in our work and in our relationships. When we find ourselves in situations where this aspect is not reflected we feel impoverished and unfulfilled, often without knowing why. Life can seem too short to be spending our time on activities that are too narrow, or too trivial to nurture our roots. This is true for relationships also; they are most alive when they include space for something beyond the self. Relationships which are truly fulfilling have a luminous quality and as such they make us feel fully alive.

The decisive question for man is: Is he related to something infinite or not? That is the telling question of his life…. Only if we knew that the thing which truly matters is the infinite can we avoid fixing our interest upon futilities, and upon all kinds of goals which are not of real importance. The more a man lays stress on false possessions, and the less sensitivity he has for what is essential, the less satisfying is his life. He feels limited because he has limited aims, and the result is envy and jealousy. If we understand and feel that here in this life we already have a link with the infinite, desires and attitudes change. In the final analysis, we count for something only because of the essential we embody, and if we do not embody that, life is wasted. In our relationships to other men, too, the crucial question is whether an element of boundlessness is expressed in the relationship.

Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections.

The map is deep inside, in your heart

November 15, 2010November 15, 2010 Karl DuffyLeave a comment

[Some] people feel that their real identity is working on themselves, and some work on themselves with such harshness. Like a demented gardener who won’t let the soil settle for anything to grow, they keep raking, tearing away the nurturing clay from their own heart, then they’re surprised that they feel so empty and vacant. Self-compassion is paramount. When you are compassionate with yourself, you trust in your soul, which you let guide your life.

Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself.

If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you
a kindness of rhythm in your journey.

John O’Donoghue