Things to do this weekend

Modern culture keeps sending all these messages that the people who know how to live properly are always doing something.

The great question “What are you doing this weekend?” keeps coming up, as if that defines us. We hear talk about lives where everything is “so busy that I do not have time to think”, or “I am so busy I never have time for myself”, or “I am so busy I am exhausted”, and this word, busy, busy, busy comes up time and again, and it starts to sound like an epidemic –  an epidemic of busyness.

Abbot Christopher Jameson, The Big Silence, BBC2

What is of real value

Those things of real worth in life are worth going to any length in love and respect to safeguard.

Julia Butterfly Hill,

Envioronmentalist Activist

We can develop how content we are

Until recently, psychologists believed that the degree to which a person can naturally experience happiness, referred to as a “set point”, was innate and unchangeable. We now know that, like weight, it’s more of a predetermined range of potential rather than a single fixed number. Genetics influence about half of a person’s total happiness level and circumstances another 10 percent.

But the other 40 percent is affected by “intentional activity”, meaning anything we do consistently and on purpose, whether a positive habit, such as regularly meditating, or a negative one, such as drinking excessively every night

Terri Trespicio, “Thank-You Therapy”, Body & Soul Magazine, Spetember 2008

How to find love

Your task is not to seek for love,

but merely to seek and find

all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Rumi

Having trust

When I am anxious or hurt I tend to instinctively react. I often move fast to blame and then make decisions which help me feel back in control. However, decisions made from fear are never our best decisions; fear is not our best friend. We risk throwing the baby out with the bathwater.  A walk in nature shows us a different perspective, a gentler way to change. We learn to not act on the fear but to sit with it. We get some distance from the story that is making us feel defective and fearful.

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.

Lao Tzu

It’s not out there

We have a habit of looking in the wrong place for contentment. We tend to look outside ourselves, seeing others’ lives and other places as possessing a greater level of happiness than we currently possess. This often leads us to instinctively compare, provoking a movement within us that happens in a flash and then prompts the telling of a story about ourselves and about life, which leads to our mood going down. As I have written before, we end up comparing our present self to a better self, or to the ideal portrayal of lives which we find in society or which our insecurities about ourselves have generated. We find that a lot of our anxieties arise because we are trying to match up to what we think our life “should” be like, or what others portray as being happy.

It is easy to fall into this trap when we travel. We see a different from of life, maybe faster and more “exciting” than our own, or houses situated in a better location, or places of quiet that seem much more peaceful than where we live. So we lean towards those things, or we leave ourselves, not realizing that true contentment is found within. We get caught in idealized views of what is possible for ourselves and travel far in our minds and in our spirits from where we actually are. And this often means we end up thinking that something must be wrong with our  lives or with us.

Meditation practice is a training in learning to stay, staying with ourselves, not running outside ourselves after every passing stimulus about things which will pass away. It helps us to not attach too much solidity to these comparing thoughts, letting them pass through our minds without hooking on to them. We realize that they do not bring the contentment they seem to suggest. It helps us seek real happiness within, where we already are.

The primary focus of this path of choosing wisely…is learning to stay present. Pausing very briefly, frequently throughout the day, is an almost effortless way to do this. For just a few seconds we can be right here. Meditation is another way to train in learning to stay or…learning to come back, to return to the present over and over again.

Pema Chodron, Taking the Leap