Tag: heart

Not needing to hide

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Our practice aims to free our hearts from the fears that provoke us to exclude and reject others. It is based on an understanding that everyone, fundamentally,  wishes to be happy,  and at the same time everyone’s heart is wounded. So we all hope for peace and connection,  but are at the same time frightened of love:

We human beings are all fundamentally the same. We all belong to a common broken humanity. We all have wounded, broken hearts. Each one of us needs to feel appreciated and understood; we all need help. Every child, every person needs to know that they are a source of joy; every child, every person, needs to be celebrated. Only when all of our weaknesses are accepted as part of our humanity can our negative, broken self-images be transformed.  Fear closes us down; Love opens us up.

Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

The fear of showing our vulnerability leads us to hide because we do not want others to see our interior poverty: To have our ‘poverty’ seen by others and ‘our profound vulnerability’ touched by them, makes us fear that we will be abandoned….We must be honest with ourselves and acknowledge an important truth: I am not superior to you, I am not better than you, I am like you. I have frailty, my limitations which, perhaps, I have often hidden; you have limitations, perhaps more visible, but behind your limitations you are a person, your heart is.

Jean Vanier, Speech, Rome 2006

Let go…move on…have no preferences

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This week some things occured which were unexpected and which disrupted some directions which have seemed right for some time. However, they were out of my capacity to influence. In cases like this I have found that the practice of “no preferences” really helps. Even though I can feel that there is a much easier way to do things, I  try to work with having no preferences as to how things have turned out. This has given a perspective with regard to some news I received which I feel was unfair. In mindfulness, we try to see that difficultes and happiness are of of equal value.  I find this very hard but I try to work with what is.

It strikes me how much can change in a week. Last Saturday I was at an inspiring conference in Lerab Ling,  bringing together some of the finest researchers on meditation in the world.  I listened to a incredible talk on meditation by Sogyal Rinpoche as well as a moving reports on mindfulness by Jon Kabat Zinn and a beautiful talk on emotions by Erika Rosenberg. At the end of the day I felt that there was very little distance between experience and reflection: it just was and I felt whole.

This week I was made more aware of our capacity as humans to create distance between ourselves and our experience. We make life complicated by our continual reflecting on it and an excessive evaluation of it. We are never content to let things just be. I  find myself wishing for the simpler times of last week. But it is not to be. So I try to make  my practice to accept, let go and move on. Mindfulness is based on the belief that deep down things are naturally one and good. And even though others or circumstances make them complicated,  I find that I can drop into that natural calm in meditation.  However, moving on is still hard. Happiness is related to peace of mind. In difficult times  I work with that sense of peace and natural goodness. Therefore, on one level nothing can disturb me. However, on another level I struggle.

Pleasant conditions change into unpleasant ones, and unpleasant conditions eventually become pleasant. We should just keep this awareness of impermanence and be at peace with the way things are, not demanding that they be otherwise. The people we live with, the places we live in, the society we are a part of – we should just be at peace with everything. But most of all we should be at peace with ourselves-that is the big lesson to learn in life. It is really hard to be at peace with oneself. I find that most people have a lot of self-aversion. It is much better to be at peace with our own bodies and minds than anything else, and not demand that they be perfect, that we be perfect, or that everything be good. We can be at peace with the good and the bad.

Ajahn Sumedho

Walking through this world

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A final post this week with connection to Saint Francis of Assisi, this time a poem about an imagined walk through the world. We walk quickly, to get to our destination. We keep our eyes on ourselves and our own concerns. Our fears keep us turned in on ourselves, comparing our life to what we think it should be.  What if we walked slowly this weekend, noticing, paying attention.…..

I think God might be a little prejudiced.
For once He asked me to join Him on a walk through this world,
and we gazed into every heart on this earth,
and I noticed He lingered a bit longer
before any face that was weeping,
and before any eyes that were laughing.
And sometimes when we passed a soul in worship
God too would kneel down.
I have come to learn: God adores His creation.

Taken from Mala of the Heart: 108 Sacred Poems

Keeping our heart limitless

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There are days when we have experiences which make us feel that it is better to close our hearts. However, all the great wisdom traditions encourage us towards a softening of the heart, toward a warm opening to others, even when that seems to be dangerous. As humans, a huge portion of our energy each day is spent dealing with anxiety and the fear of losing safety. These can arise suddenly and take all our attention, encouraging us to close, to become cool, to harden around ourselves. In Buddhism, one antidote to this is to cultivate an opening toward others in “Metta” or Loving-kindness practice. Metta has the connotations of “spreading” or “expanding”. It is radiant. It reaches out. It is an active friendliness  in interpersonal relationships which we cultivate. It works against the fears which  make our lives narrow and dark, and the tendency to dualistically split our lives into “me” and “them”

As a mother at the  risk of her own life protect her child, her only child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all beings. So with a heart of boundless friendliness  should one cherish all living beings; radiating kindness over the entire world.

The Buddha, Sutta Nipata I, 8 b – The Metta Sutta.

Sometimes wisdom comes through sadness

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Even in our sleep
Pain which cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart
Until, in our own despair,
Against our will,
Comes wisdom
Through the awful grace of God.

Aeschylus

Who others really are

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To relate to others compassionately is a challenge. Really communicating to the heart and being there for someone else…means  not shutting down on that person, which means, first of all, not shutting down on ourselves. This means allowing ourselves to feel what we feel and not pushing it away. It means accepting every aspect of ourselves, even the parts we dont like. Only in an open, non-judgmental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space, where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality, can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.

Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart