Facing the bluntness of reality is the highest form of sanity and enlightened 
vision….Devotion proceeds through various stages of unmasking until we reach the point of seeing the world directly and simply without imposing our fabrications….There may be a sense of being lost or exposed a sense of vulnerability. That is simply a sign that ego is losing its grip on its territory; it is not a threat.
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
As I mentioned in yesterdays post, at times our best plans get disrupted and we are faced with uncertainty. Sometimes these changes come from new ideas within ourselves which may be easier to deal with than those which are obliged on us, by the changing minds or circumstances of others. However, at the end of the day, all changes to our plans can be a challenge. If we are very attached to our plans or if the changes affect some aspects of our identity, then the changes can shake us to the core.
Making plans is a necessary part of life. Although meditation can help us identify when we are continually planning as a strategy to deal with our anxiety, normal making of plans is necessary for us to be effective, to move forward in our work and to look after those we have a responsibility for. Therefore a certain amount of living in and imagining the future is appropriate and necessary for our lives.
However, if we make a plan too rigid, or become fixed on a certain way that the future has to turn out – or that others have to be – we can become too attached to a fixed notion of how the Universe should behave. As I have said before, this can make it hard to accept the diversions which reality takes from our own agenda. We believe things have to turn out in a certain way for them to be right. Thus we lose connection with how things actually are. We can even think we are running the show.
Who makes these changes?
I shoot an arrow right.
It lands left.
I ride after a deer and find myself
Chased by a boar.
I plot to get what I want
And end up in prison.
I dig pits to trap others
And fall in.
I should be suspicious
Of what I want.
Rumi
Everything is meant to be let go of.
Meister Eckhard
Got some reminders today that changes of direction and endings are an inevitable part of our lives, touching our plans, our enthusiasms, our things, our friendships. In fact, one of the core things we realize in meditation is that nothing is permanently satisfying or reliable. This challenges our need to be in control at all times, a need which is often driven by fear. The opposite of this need for control – of the future, our our plans, of others – is to trust, to let go. Deep down there is nothing to hang on to. Our mistake is that we look for certainty, for solid ground, when in actual fact, the deep reality which we come to accept is that nothing is really lasting or solid. Ironically, realizing that brings us the greatest freedom.
And to die, which is the letting go
of the ground we stand on and cling to every day,
is like the swan, when he nervously lets himself down
into the water, which receives him gaily
and which flows joyfully under
and after him, wave after wave,
while the swan, unmoving and marvelously calm,
is pleased to be carried, each moment more fully grown,
more like a king, further and further on.
Rilke
We have two kinds of fears. One is a fear that whatever is going on is going to go on forever. It’s just not true – nothing goes on forever. The other is the fear that, even if it doesn’t go on forever, the pain of whatever is happening will be so terrible we won’t be able to stand it. There is a gut level of truth about this fear. It would be ridiculous to pretend that in our lives, in these physical bodies, which can hurt very much, and in relationships that can hurt very much, there aren’t some very, very painful times. Even so, I think we underestimate ourselves. Terrible as times may be, I believe we can stand them.
Because we become frightened as soon as a difficult mind state blows into the mind, we start to fight with it. We try to change it, or we try to get rid of it. The frenzy of the struggle makes the mind state even more unpleasant.
The familiar image is a children’s cartoon character, like Daffy Duck, walking along freely and suddenly stepping into toffee. In a hasty, awkward attempt to extricate himself, he might fall forward and backward and eventually be totally stuck in the toffee. The best solution would be the nonalarmed recognition, ‘This is toffee. I didn’t see it as I stepped into it, but I felt it after I got stuck. It’s just toffee. The whole world is not made out of toffee. What would be a wise thing for me to do now?’
Sylvia Boorstein, It’s Easier Than You Think
Each of us has a notion of how we can be happy. We could make a list of what we think we need to be happy: “I can only be happy if…” Write down the things you want and the things you do not want. Where did these ideas come from? Are they only your notions? If you are committed to a particular notion of happiness, you do not have much chance to be happy.
Happiness arrives from many directions. If you have a notion that it comes only from one direction, you will miss all of these other opportunities because you want happiness to come only from the direction you want. You say, “I would rather die than marry anyone but her. I would rather die than lose my job, my reputation. I cannot be happy if I don’t get that degree or that promotion or that house.” You have put many conditions on your happiness. And then, even if you do have all your conditions met, you still won’t be happy. You will just keep creating new conditions for your happiness. You will still want the new relationship, the higher degree, the better job and the more beautiful house.
Please remember that your notions of happiness may be very dangerous. Happiness can only be possible in the here and now. Go back and examine deeply your notions and ideas of happiness. So let go of what you believed yesterday. Let go of what you thought last week you needed to be happy. The conditions of happiness that are in your life now are enough.
Thich Nhat Hahn
Loss is a fact of life. Impermanence is everywhere we look. We lose loved ones. We lose our health. We lose our glasses. We lose our memory. We lose our money. We lose our keys. We lose our socks. We have to come to terms with this reality. How we deal with them is what makes all the difference. For it is not what happens to us that determines our character, but how we relate to what happens.
Lama Surya Das, Working with Loss
