Even if you have a lot of work to do,
if you think of it as wonderful,
and if you feel it as wonderful,
it will transform into the energy of joy
and fire, instead of becoming a burden.
Tulku Thondup Rinpoche
Tag: Joy
Sunday Quote: Smile
Be happy
The third Sunday of Advent, is traditionally called Gaudete Sunday, or Be Happy Sunday. For those preparing for Christmas, this joy comes from knowing that the coming of Jesus is near. which puts the up’s and down’s of daily life be put into context. This exhortation is shared by most wisdom traditions. We are reminded of a fact, sometimes forgotten by earnest religious practioners, that at the heart of all inner practice is joy, which leads us to understand the true nature of happiness.
Joy does not come from having everything perfect as we want it, by having a preconceived perfect day, but by accepting how life actually is and not fighting against it. It is possible even in the midst of difficult moments. It comes from seeing deeper into the heart of things. understanding that it is born from within and not from the external conditions of our lives. It is based on choices we make. It has its roots in the security we find within ourselves and from love:
Joy is the experience of knowing that joy and freedom comes from knowing you are unconditionally loved and that nothing — sickness, failure, emotional distress, oppression, war, or even death — can take that love away.
Joy is not the same as happiness. We are inclined to think that when we are sad we cannot be glad, but ….. sorrow and joy can exist together. That isn’t easy to understand, but when we think about some of our deepest life experiences, such as being present at the birth of a child or the death of a friend, great sorrow and great joy are often seen to be parts of the same experience. Often we discover the joy in the midst of the sorrow. I remember the most painful times of my life as times in which I became aware of a spiritual reality much larger than myself, a reality that allowed me to live the pain with hope. I dare even to say: ‘My grief was a place where I found joy.’ Still, nothing happens automatically in the spiritual life. Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.
Joy is what makes life worth living, but for many it seems hard to find. They complain that their lives are sorrowful and depressing. What then brings the joy we so much desire? Are some people just lucky, while others have run out of luck? Strange as it may sound, we can choose joy. Two people can be part of the same event, but one may choose to live it quite differently than the other. One may choose to trust that what happened, painful as it may be, holds a promise. The other may choose despair and be destroyed by it.
What makes us human is precisely this freedom of choice.
Henri Nouwen
The feast of Saint Nicholas
Traditionally, it was on this night that children would place their shoes at the end of the bed or at the door in the hope of getting some small gifts from Saint Nicholas. The practice was founded upon the attributed generosity of the Saint towards those who were poor, as in the legend where he threw bags of gold into the house of a widower to ensure that his daughters would not be sold into slavery.
This practice lies at the root of our modern Christmas celebrations. They are based on a tradition of giving, of generosity. In our world today the advertising at Christmas time can lead to a focus on receiving. It is common to hear the question “What are you getting for Christmas”. Such an emphasis can lead us to compare what we have with others, and strengthen a normal sense that we are lacking in some things or in some way defective. The “comparing mind” is deeply rooted in our psyche, probably evolving as a necessary survival strategy. However, today, when not linked to physical survival, it has free range to stir up all kinds of self-judgments in a society which links wellbeing to who was the latest gadget, the nicest clothes or the fittest body. Getting caught up in the comparing game is one of the major ways that we create our own suffering. We can do it in work, in how we look and feel, when we consider how others celebrate festive occasions, with the holidays they are taking or the way they celebrate as a family. We can find ourselves implicitly thinking, “If only I had that, then I would be happy.” Constantly measuring ourselves against others leads to a bitter taste about our life, and does not allow us develop the inner peace which comes from knowing that we are good enough. Its relentless search for being better or having more – and linking our security, love, and self-esteem to this – ends in insecurity, anxiety and even self-hatred. Comparing is one way in which we solidify ourselves, fixing ourselves to how we are at this moment in comparison to someone else.
We have an opportunity this season to work with this tendency. In meditation we observe our inner processes, allowing us to notice and liberate the mind from this constant comparing. We start by not comparing one breath with another; we simply observe each one as unique. We go on to notice this comparing voice – appearing as thoughts or impressions of what others would say – and how it leads us to be focus on ourselves in a critical manner. We notice the mind and see it inclining towards wanting. Over the next weeks, if we work at replacing the emphasis on what I have or would like to get with an emphasis on giving to others, then our eyes turn away from ourselves and are placed then on others. This practice replaces a critical mind – which is always finding fault with ourselves and others – with a mind that relaxes in celebrating the good and spreading joy. We celebrate our life and their life, allowing our protective shells to dissolve, not measuring, just living.
Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in,” not a “falling for.” In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving.
Erich Fromm
The first snow
Last night the first snow of this winter fell, and this morning awoke cold and grey. Just ten days ago we were having unusually warm and sunny autumn. The change feels sudden and even though it was clear that winter was on its way, it can leave us feeling surprised. Frequently things that happen outside of us have an impact on how we view life and the weather is no exception. In this way it becomes an interesting teacher and metaphor for us. We can learn about our mind seeing how it responds to something new. The most important thing is not the weather but to see that the change is mostly inside us and not in the world around us. Things, like the weather, are a given; happiness – or unhappiness – comes from our response to that given.
One thing that strikes me is that sudden change is not unusual and is frequent in nature. However, we tend to see it as an interruption and try and hold on to things remaining the same. We seem to instinctively be always plotting to make some moments last forever. The weather teaches us that no matter how much we wish or try to control things, tomorrow may not look the same as today. Some things will change or end. People move away; relationships end; airports are closed. We can work with these events when they happen. But for the moment all we have is today. We try and make living well, each moment, our focus.
The second thing that strikes me is that our moods can change as suddenly as the weather does. Sometimes our days can seem dark and bleak and cold. And that can seem very bad to us. However, maybe some low moods can be just natural changes or periods of calm. Maybe our psyche or soul has need of some rest, for its own good reasons. It may not always be a problem that needs to be fixed but rather a period of growth that has its own lessons. Just as the seeds are growing under the snow-covered soil this morning, things are coming to birth whether we notice it or not. Our instinct and modern society tells us to move away from low periods and that life is equated with movement. Nature reminds us that life is not always obvious growth, and does not always have to be bright. There is a time to be patient as we wait for new life to blossom forth.
Finding your princess
We are looking out there all the time, and not at ourselves.
Charlotte Joko Beck
The fact that all the news channels around the world devoted significant airtime to the announcement of the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton shows that we have not lost our fascination with fairy tales. Most fairy tales, including those about the noble prince marrying the princess for love, can be seen as symbols of inner experiences and provide insight into human longings. Our choice of stories says a lot about us. When we identify with characters in a story we strengthen those aspects in ourselves. The British press is already looking forward to the wedding as a moment to help the nation look beyond its problems, have its spirits lifted and its wounds healed. It is as if the nation believes in this before-and-after story, looking to a hero to transform their circumstances, from inner poverty to riches. By what, you may ask. By just a wedding, or a wedding that has to carry all the hopes and dreams we all have for love and for life?
We too have a huge capacity to look outside ourselves for something to fulfill us. Most fairytales are quests to find out if there is a place elsewhere that has the something else that we feel we need. The biggest difficulty with this approach is that it divides the world into me and everything outside of me. And this gives rise to the tendency to look outside for something or some change in circumstance to respond to and heal the unease inside of us. We can look for a career, or a inspiring teacher, or a religion or a practice……..something, someone, to whom we can hand over the confusion and lack of direction we find inside ourselves. And often the place we do this most is in the relationships we seek to establish. We look to another person to fulfill us, to soothe the feelings of anxiety we find inside. We frequently place upon the other a wish to make our own lives more meaningful, more rich. We see the other person as the one who will fulfill our lacks, and often expect them to be able to heal our deepest wounds also. And yet relationships do go a long way to touching the core parts of our being, especially when we find someone capable of deep sensitivity and selfless caring. However, drawing close to another inevitably brings our wounded places into sharper focus, and it can be quite a challenge to keep opening up the heart and allowing another person into our deepest self.
In my experience, I find that trying to live my life in a way that leads to my deepest happiness is something that requires constant attention. I do not know if I get the balance right between outer and inner. I know that this fulness of life has something to do with living from my deepest inner capacities for loving and all that means. But often my experience is that I stumble and fall in my attempts at full expression of that capacity. Despite the desire to connect, to relax with others, I frequently hold back and check to see if they can actually hold my heart and my fears. I often pull back. I know that I am not alone in this: in my work I also encounter people who do not know how to show the love that they feel, or request the love that they need, the love whose absence makes a wound of this world and of so many lives.
Real life is more complex than enchanted fairy tales. It demands in some way that we become disenchanted, not necessarily in a bad sense, but in the sense of being freed from the spell which promises some magical saving from outside. We have to discover that there are no perfect people, perfect job, perfect set of circumstances in which to live. We have to be disenchanted in order to realize where true happiness lies. Happiness is an inside job, as a book reminds us, based on us looking inside rather than looking out., without however using that as a way of running from our need for love. The original root of the word nobility comes from the greek word gnosis, meaning knowledge or wisdom. Our true nobility does not come from some outside prince, but from knowing how to live in harmony with an open heart.
The way to true happiness isn’t through trying to make everything right and pleasant on the external dimension, but to develop the right understanding, the right attitude towards ourselves.
Ajahn Sumedho
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