Tag: Joy

The first snow

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Last night the first snow of this winter fell, and this morning awoke cold and grey. Just ten days ago we were having unusually warm and sunny autumn. The change feels sudden and even though it was clear that winter was on its way, it can leave us feeling surprised. Frequently things that happen outside of us have an impact on how we view life and the weather is no exception. In this way it becomes an interesting teacher and metaphor for us. We can learn about our mind seeing how it responds to something new. The most important thing is not the weather but to see that the change is mostly inside us and not in the world around us. Things, like the weather, are a given; happiness – or unhappiness – comes from our response to that given.

One thing that strikes me is that sudden change is not unusual and is frequent in nature. However, we tend to see it as an interruption and try and hold on to things remaining the same. We seem to instinctively be always plotting  to make some moments last forever.  The weather teaches us that no matter how much we wish or try to control things, tomorrow may not look the same as today. Some things will change or end. People move away; relationships end; airports are closed. We can work with these events when they happen. But for the moment all we have is today. We try and make  living well, each moment,  our focus.

The second thing that strikes me is that our moods can change as suddenly as the weather does. Sometimes our days can seem dark and bleak and cold. And that can seem very bad to us. However, maybe some low moods can be just natural changes or periods of calm. Maybe our psyche or soul has need of some rest, for its own good reasons. It may not always be a problem that needs to be fixed but rather a period of growth that has its own lessons. Just as the seeds are growing under the snow-covered soil this morning, things are coming to birth whether we notice it or not. Our instinct and modern society tells us to move away from low periods and that life is equated with movement. Nature reminds us that life is not always obvious growth, and does not always have to be bright. There is a time to be patient as we wait for new life to blossom forth.

Finding your princess

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We are looking out there all the time, and not at ourselves.

Charlotte Joko Beck

The fact that all the news channels around the world devoted significant airtime to the announcement of the  engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton shows that we have not lost our fascination with fairy tales. Most fairy tales, including those about the noble prince marrying the princess for love, can be seen as symbols of inner experiences and provide insight into human longings. Our choice of stories says a lot about us. When we identify with characters in a story we strengthen those aspects in ourselves. The British press is already looking forward to the wedding as a moment to help the nation look beyond its problems,  have its spirits lifted and its wounds healed.   It is as if the nation believes in this before-and-after story, looking to a hero to transform their circumstances, from inner poverty to riches.  By what, you may ask.  By just a wedding, or a wedding that has to carry all the hopes and dreams we all have for love and for life?

We too have a huge capacity to look outside ourselves for something to fulfill us. Most fairytales are quests to find out if there is a place elsewhere that has the something else that we feel we need. The biggest difficulty with this approach is that it divides the world into me and everything outside of me. And this gives rise to the tendency to look outside for something or some change in circumstance to respond to and heal the unease inside  of us. We can look for a career, or a inspiring teacher, or a religion or a practice……..something, someone,  to whom we can hand over the confusion and lack of direction we find inside ourselves. And often the place we do this most is in the relationships we seek to establish. We look to another person to fulfill us, to soothe the feelings of anxiety we find inside. We frequently place upon the other a wish to make our own lives more meaningful, more rich. We see the other person as the one who will fulfill our lacks, and often expect them to be able to heal our deepest wounds also. And yet  relationships do go a long way to touching the core parts of our being, especially when we find someone capable of deep sensitivity and selfless caring. However, drawing close to another inevitably brings our wounded places into sharper focus, and it can be quite a challenge to keep opening up the heart and allowing another person into our deepest self.

In my experience, I find that trying to live my life in a way that leads to my deepest happiness is something that requires constant attention.  I do not know if I get the balance right between outer and inner. I know that this fulness of life has something to do with living from my deepest inner capacities for loving and all that means. But often my experience is that I stumble   and fall in my attempts at full expression of that capacity. Despite the desire to connect, to relax with others, I  frequently hold back and check to see if they can actually hold my heart and my fears. I often pull back. I know that I am not alone in this: in my work I also encounter people who do not know how to show the love that they feel, or request the love that they need, the love whose absence makes a wound of this world and of so many lives.

Real life is  more complex than enchanted fairy tales. It demands in some way that we become disenchanted, not necessarily in a bad sense, but in the sense of being freed from the spell  which promises some magical saving from outside.  We have to discover that there are no perfect people, perfect job, perfect set of circumstances in which to live.  We have to be disenchanted in order to realize where true happiness lies. Happiness is an inside job, as a book reminds us, based on us looking inside rather than looking out., without however using that as a way of running from our need for love.  The original root of the word nobility comes from the greek word gnosis, meaning knowledge or wisdom. Our true nobility does not come from some outside prince, but from knowing how to live in harmony with an open heart.

The way to true happiness isn’t through trying to make everything right and pleasant on the external dimension, but to develop the right understanding, the right attitude towards ourselves.

Ajahn Sumedho

Touch the sky

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Only from the heart

Can you touch the sky

Rumi

Sunday Quote: Do nothing

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To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon

is to be back in Eden,

where doing nothing was not boring – it was peace.

Milan Kundera

We can develop how content we are

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Until recently, psychologists believed that the degree to which a person can naturally experience happiness, referred to as a “set point”, was innate and unchangeable. We now know that, like weight, it’s more of a predetermined range of potential rather than a single fixed number. Genetics influence about half of a person’s total happiness level and circumstances another 10 percent.

But the other 40 percent is affected by “intentional activity”, meaning anything we do consistently and on purpose, whether a positive habit, such as regularly meditating, or a negative one, such as drinking excessively every night

Terri Trespicio, “Thank-You Therapy”, Body & Soul Magazine, Spetember 2008

May nothing disturb you: Nada Te Turbe

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Today is the feastday of Teresa of Avila, another formidable nun, this time from the 16th Century. She lived in an age of great social change, somewhat like today, and was a strong leader, founding monasteries at a time when most preferred women to be relegated to the kitchen and the home. She was intensely practical and deeply human. However she combined her achievements with a very profound interior life. She reminds us not to neglect the dimension of the soul in this age with our focus on progress and speed.

Despite suffering ill health she had a great trust that a Higher Power was guiding her life and her work. Even if she could not see where things were leading she trusted. These handwritten words were found after her death. May they support all who struggle this evening. The musical version comes from the monastery at Taize, not too far away from here in Bourgogne.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
Everything passes.
God does not go away.
Patience
can attain anything.
He who has God within,
does not lack anything.

Nada te turbe, nada te espante; quien a Dios tiene nada le falta.