Both our upbringing and our culture provide the immediate breeding ground for this contemporary epidemic of feeling deficient and unworthy. Many of us have grown up with parents who gave us messages about where we fell short and how we should be different from the way we are. We were told to be special, to look a certain way, to act a certain way, to work harder, to win, to succeed, to make a difference, and not to be too demanding, shy or loud. An indirect but insidious message for many has been “Don’t be needy.” Because our culture so values independence, self-reliance and strength, even the word “needy” evokes shame. To be considered as needy is utterly demeaning, contemptible. And yet, we all have needs – physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual. So the basic message is, “Your natural way of being is not okay. To be acceptable you must be different from the way you are.”
Tara Brach
