What kindness really is

I really like this poem and think there is a great truth in it. Real commitment to one another has a depth which is learned in times of difficulty. Love is talked about a lot today but what we seek deep down is a real kindness which is more than just words,  but proves itself in deeds:

Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
    purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye, The Words Under the Words

How our current story is put together

When reality is formed through our personal view, we attempt to think our way out of pain, which simultaneously maintains our story and perpetuates the pain. The sense-of-self only knows how to handle problems and proceed using its story, which is composed of thoughts and emotions that have formed around past failures and successes. We prefer to tackle one problem at a time, resolving the first before moving onto the next. This strategy is derived from the storyteller who attempts to perpetuate his purpose  and meaning by resolving the difficulties of his story. Each resolved problem or failure confirms a growing self-image and adds a new chapter to our tale of woe or sense of nobility.

Rodney Smith, Stepping out of Self-Deception

To be at peace today

To be at peace with myself means to accept myself the way I am; to reduce the split that is created by the image of what I would like to be and who I really am; to be patient with myself, especially in regard to what conflicts with my idealized self.

Anselm Grun

We like to have a coherent story

We human beings have a great need to tell our life stories in a coherent and, we believe, in a complete way. Thus, we like to see that where we are now makes some sense, and we spend a lot of our time internally discussing where we are, justifying our choices and the turns that our life has taken. What we often find when we sit in meditation is that we prefer to go back to our stories rather than just sit there with what is in the present. I know that most of my distractions are me telling – to myself –  the “Karl story” with its usual embellishments and drama. What I fail to notice is that this story is really a fiction as it tends to select  the parts of my current life or history that were painful or that  I have elaborated on – or chosen to magnify – because  I  see them as successes and like the direction they show my life  to be headed in. However, it can help if we see our lives as always a work in progress, and that we can never be sure of the meaning behind certain events until we reach the last chapter. It is good to challenge the notion that our ongoing story needs to be somehow complete to save us from getting trapped in our own stories. This can free us to approach each moment with fresh eyes.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything.

What we think we become

The Buddha

The key to getting balance in our lives

Our task is to find a balance, to find a middle way, to learn not to overextend ourselves with extra activities and preoccupations, but to simplify our lives more and more. The key to finding a happy balance in modern life is simplicity

Sogyal Rimpoche, Glimpse after Glimpse

Developing peace: reconcile and forgive


Forgiveness is not always easy.

At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. 

And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.

Marianne Williamson