Interrupting a cycle of reactivity

One of the key, frequent,  things in life is having to deal with disappointment. And consequently a lot of our suffering comes from this area, as like this first quote says. We prefer to rerun the memory of an event or a feeling or some words, rather like a dog returning to a bone. A wiser way of acting is suggested in the second quote, staying as close as possible to the felt sense of the experience, thus limiting  it spinning off into a reactive cycle of thoughts and emotions.

Disappointment has a chimerical quality because our minds refuse to accept what is; therefore, we relive the disappointment over and over again, never noticing after the initial experience that it is only a memory we are re-experiencing, much like watching old movie reruns.

If you can stay present when something disappointing occurs, the next response is to open fully to the experience. Don’t deny it, don’t push it away, but realize, “Ah, this is disappointment. What does it taste like? Where is it in my body? Is the feeling expanding or contracting?” Open to the experience of disappointment so that you can accept it and let it pass through your mind and heart. Then you can go on with your life’s journey and not be frozen in place by your pain.

Philip Moffitt, Living with Disappointment

Seeing things as temporary guests

Our practice is not to shut everything out; it’s to remain conscious of our environment and what’s happening in it. Then we can deal with it appropriately. We can open the door to our angry thought, listen to it, and then ask it to leave. We recognize it as a thought and don’t mistake it for who we are. That’s the point. It shifts the experience. Instead of thinking, “I’m really angry right now,” we think, “Oh, look, an angry thought has entered my mind.” It’s easy to let go of a thought that’s a guest in your mind; it’s harder when you take on the identity of the guest.

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, Rebel Buddha

Changing cloudy weather

A lot of clouds on the mountains these days. A lot of movement in the weather, generally unsettled, gliding by, passing through. The mountains remain unmoved:

The clouds above us come together and disperse;
The breeze in the courtyard departs and returns.
Life is like that, so why not relax?
Who can keep us from celebrating?

Lu-Yu

Noticing what is around us

Gaps between activities allow our minds to reopen, expand and have original, often time-and-effort-saving big ideas. So don’t walk with your head down, lost in thought. Don’t just text and call folks when you’re driving or waiting. Don’t read the newspaper when you’re in the bathroom. Allow a little space in your life.  Let go of one or two minutes of entertainment a day – and look out upon this life and world.

Waylon Lewis.

Steadying our emotions

Emotions are mixes of “felt senses” and activities. Witnessing them is helped by the simple fact that the body resonates with the moods and impulses that run through it.  (When we’re angry we tense up and the heartbeat changes; when we’re loving and joyful, the body feels vibrant and so on). This resonance gives us a way of addressing the heart by addressing the bodily aspect, of steadying or relaxing the emotion by grounding attention in the body and simply breathing. So this gives us a handle on emotions and mind-states (like anxiety..) that can otherwise bowl us over. Referring to the body sense is valuable, because the body can’t fake or mask the feeling. And furthermore, through widening, easing and finding balance in the bodily sense, we turn on a sympathetic system that can bring the heart into true focus. This goes a lot deeper and works more effectively than the process of ‘me trying to sort my self out’ – an approach that leads to complexity, righteousness, force, defence and denial.

Ajahn Succitto, Meditation, A Way of Awakening

Working with difficult moments

When pain or distress arises in our bodies, our conditioned reaction is to pin it down and solidify it with concepts. We say “my knee,” “my back,” “my illness,” and the floodgates of apprehension are opened. We predict a dire future for ourselves, fear the intensification of the pain, and at times dissolve into helplessness and despair. Our concepts serve both to make the pain more rigid and to undermine our capacity to respond to it skillfully. We are caught in the tension of wanting to divorce ourselves from a distressed body while the intensity of pain keeps drawing us back into our body. Meditation offers a very different way of responding to pain in our bodies. Instead of employing strategies to avoid it, we learn to investigate what is actually being experienced within our bodies calmly and curiously. We can bring a compassionate, accepting attention directly to the core of pain. This is the first step towards healing and releasing the agitation and dread that often intensify pain.

Christine Feldman, Suffering is Optional