It’s in relationships that our unresolved psychological issues show up most intensely. That’s because psychological wounds are always relational — they form in and through our relationships with our early caretakers.  The core psychological wound, so prevalent in the modern world,  forms out of not feeling loved or intrinsically lovable as we are. Inadequate love or attunement is shocking and traumatic for a child’s developing and highly sensitive nervous system. It damages our capacity to value ourselves, which is also the basis for valuing others.  I call this the “relational wound“ or “wound of the heart.”

There is a whole body of study and research showing how close bonding and loving attunement — what is known as “secure attachment”— have powerful impacts on every aspect of human development. Secure attachment has a tremendous effect on many dimensions of our health, wellbeing, and capacity to function effectively in the world: how our brains form, how well our endocrine and immune systems function, how we handle emotions, how subject we are to depression, how our nervous system functions and handles stress, and how we relate to others.

John Welwood