Our tendency to blame

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When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change

Thich Nhat Hanh

7 thoughts on “Our tendency to blame

  1. This is wonderful and I am deinitely putting it somewhere where it will grab my attention. It is such a simple concept which I have tried to practice for years, but the way this man says things makes them so much more obvious and doable. 🙂

  2. “Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well,”

    This is not to be read as an excuse for self-blame either. Rather

    “No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”

    Love, love, love.

    (As I keep having to remind myself.)

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