We often find ourselves relating to people or to events through patterns inherited from our past and these prevent us from being fully open to the actual experience in front of us:
You shall no longer take things at second or third hand,
nor look through the eyes of the dead,
nor feed on the spectres in books,
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself