People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains,
at the huge waves of the sea,
at the long course of rivers,
at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars;
and they pass by themselves without wondering.
St. Augustine
I’ve discovered there are only two modes of the heart. We can struggle, or we can surrender. Surrender is a frightening word for some people, because it might be interpreted as passivity, or timidity. Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. Getting old, getting sick, dying, losing what is dear to us, is beyond our control. I can either be frightened of life and mad at life – or not. I can be disappointed and still not be mad. Stopping being mad – when I can – translates, for me as being compassionate – to myself as well as to other people.
Sylvia Boorstein, That’s Funny you don’t look Buddhist
The weather has been strange these past days. Friday started with rain, then the temperature dropped and we had snow on the mountains. Then in the afternoon it was like Spring again with the sun bursting out and the temperature rising to 15 degrees. It was like four seasons in a day. And we had no control over it and can just watch as the different conditions come and go.
It is not surprising that the weather is used as a way of reflecting on our inner life. Things change rapidly there too, even within a day. What we are trying to move towards is greater acceptance of these different conditions and the ability to not label things “good” or “bad”. Fear often drives those labels and they lead to a closing of the heart.
In Spring, hundreds of flowers.
In Summer, refreshing breeze.
In Autumn, a harvest moon.
In Winter, snowflakes accompany you.
If you do not have
the upside-down views
every season is
a good season for you.
Buddhist classic texts
translated by Eido Shimano Roshi
The purpose of life is to be happy
The Dalai Lama
Spring has arrived and with it a new sense of life and of joy. We see the signs of growth all around, buds on the branches, birds building nests, spring flowers in bloom. Seeing all that this week has made it easy to feel joy, that inner experience that is deeply refreshing. It liberates us from our fears. It allows us to be content.
This has been a strange week, with news of sadness and with success in other areas. And as such it is the stuff of which life is made. We sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that joy is only to be found in a life without difficulties. We can think that happiness will only come if the circumstances of our lives change a lot. However, as the phrase reminds us, difficulties – ups and downs – in life are inevitable but suffering is not. It depends on how we work with the difficulties. We discover joy in the midst of the ups and downs of each week, of a life. All things change constantly, even those which are most precious to us; it is just the nature of this life.
And in the midst of life we discover that each one of us has inside ourselves a natural deep joy that we can access. We can drop into it and let it bloom. This allows us to celebrate our lives – the small and large things in each day – and not get caught up in complaining and resenting what happens. As nature blooms we can see that we are connected to a wider life and come to realize that our own personal story is unfolding in a much larger context. It leads us to practice gratitude for all that is happening, which helps the mind expand into a fuller sense of life. We then can notice that we frequently have a choice – to celebrate what is happening or to reject it. Mindfulness practice is a type of training that allows the mind develop an inner narrative that leans towards acceptance, kindness and joy and away from rejecting, from fear and from sadness.
We learn in our guts, not just in our brain,
that a life of joy is not in seeking happiness,
but in experiencing and simply being
the circumstances of our life as they are;
not in fulfilling personal wants,
but in fulfilling the needs of life;
not in avoiding pain,
but in being pain when it is necessary to do so.
Too large an order?
Too hard?
On the contrary, it is the easy way..
Charlotte Joko Beck
We can notice our mind changing hundreds of times in the day, from liking to disliking, being content to being unhappy, calm to agitated. We can start the day being nervous about an upcoming meeting. Then find ourselves delighted as the meeting goes well, leaving us feeling very positive about ourselves and the future. Then afterwards we can get into a misunderstanding with a friend or colleague after which we find ourselves feeling very negative about ourselves and about the future. Up and down, down and up.
The mind can move quickly from being spacious to being narrow when it encounters something which is negative. However, what we label as “negative” often just means that we think that reality will not fit into the way that we want, or we can’t have something we think we need. We find that the mind contracts and feels tight, and then normally starts immediately to work on a story to defend that tightness, exaggerating negative aspects of people or situations, or other objects of our bad feelings. If we are focused on other people, it normally starts with statements about other people – “They are in the wrong, they cannot listen” and then moves on to statements about the future – “There is no point trying, this will never work out”
If we can become aware of this dynamic, the heart can move from its defensive pattern to pausing, then to being open and appreciative. The normal sequence for these changing mind states goes something like this: “This is the way I want things”….. “I like it”…. “If I cannot have it like this, I am sad, I am angry”….and then through practice….”this moment is just like this”. This pattern is the same whether the matter is great or small, although the intensity can vary hugely. It can sometimes flare out strongly as jealousy or anger if we allow ourselves be convinced that we are missing out on something that we really want.
In the end, we quieten down in two steps. The first is that the mind stops struggling with reality and says, “I wanted something different, but this is what I have.” The second is when we can rejoice in the new situation and be genuinely happy that it has turned out like this, for ourselves or for other people. One of the greatest antidotes for the feeling of hurt is to cultivate positive feelings or blessings towards others. This works against the mind’s tendency to think that someone else’s joy is actually taking away from our joy. Instead, we find that when the mind is relaxed, it does not feel needy, and does not need to defend itself.
We have two kinds of fears. One is a fear that whatever is going on is going to go on forever. It’s just not true – nothing goes on forever. The other is the fear that, even if it doesn’t go on forever, the pain of whatever is happening will be so terrible we won’t be able to stand it. There is a gut level of truth about this fear. It would be ridiculous to pretend that in our lives, in these physical bodies, which can hurt very much, and in relationships that can hurt very much, there aren’t some very, very painful times. Even so, I think we underestimate ourselves. Terrible as times may be, I believe we can stand them.
Because we become frightened as soon as a difficult mind state blows into the mind, we start to fight with it. We try to change it, or we try to get rid of it. The frenzy of the struggle makes the mind state even more unpleasant.
The familiar image is a children’s cartoon character, like Daffy Duck, walking along freely and suddenly stepping into toffee. In a hasty, awkward attempt to extricate himself, he might fall forward and backward and eventually be totally stuck in the toffee. The best solution would be the nonalarmed recognition, ‘This is toffee. I didn’t see it as I stepped into it, but I felt it after I got stuck. It’s just toffee. The whole world is not made out of toffee. What would be a wise thing for me to do now?’
Sylvia Boorstein, It’s Easier Than You Think
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination.
Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.
Anaïs Nin
Mindfulbalance 