The main tr
end in the maturational process can be condensed into the different meanings of the word “integration” Winnicott
As we continue to meditate we see that one thing which we need to develop in order to increasingly free and happy is the capacity for investigation. Investigation means that we move to see things clearly, just as they are. First we strengthen our capacity for awareness; then we increasingly investigate the present moment. Our practice a kind of moment-to-moment noting of our ongoing experience, and our reaction to that experience, and allows the coming together of the multiple, varied and fragmented events which we have gone through in our lives and which still have an impact upon our sensations and our emotions.
This process of awareness and investigation is similar to the holding process which Winnicott said was necessary for ongoing integration. In childhood, the environment around the baby is of paramount importance, allowing growth as the baby begins to understand the differences between itself and others, and not see these differences as overwhelming threats. Thus the baby begins a process of integration which continues little by little throughout life. It occurs in the intersection between the body and the mind as the child is able to gradually allow distance to appear between itself and the caregiver, with the caregiver allowing the holding space to grow wider, as the child becomes able to function independently. It develops the ability to be alone, through the presence of others. The caregiver offers an emotional constancy which is predictable and consistent, and with the assurance he or she is someone who can be reached if needed. In this way, difficult moments can be faced without the child feeling a fear of annihilation.
We echo this in meditation. What happens is that by sitting silently, and becoming more still in our aloneness, we develop inside ourselves an increasing capacity to hold in awareness and investigate the experiences which have left their traces in our body and in our mind. We create a similar holding environment inside ourselves which allows our fears to come out safely and be healed. Meditation is not some escape from our experiences or an artificial haven to run to when times get stressed. It is, rather, a place where we hold the things that scare us, and in holding them, slowly heal them.
“Hineyni” for me is the most powerful word in the Book of Genesis. Abraham says it to God. It means “Here I am”, but it is not a geographical answer. It is the response to the challenge to acknowledge the truth of the present moment, to recognize what needs to be done and to be prepared to do it. Abraham says “Hineyni” three times in the most terrible of circumstances.
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