Sometimes it is hard to let go and let the future evolve, or let set-backs simply pass through, as the brain’s default pattern tends to be negative and we are always scanning for danger. Our habit of comparing ourselves with others evolved as a necessary survival skill, essential to see who was stronger – and a threat – or to identify potential allies. This survival necessity became deeply embedded in our consciousness as an alertness, a certain vigilance. However, for some people, – depending on the level of constancy they experienced in the first years of life with their parents – this low-level hum of vigilance can be replaced by a continual anxious scanning for danger and everyday experiences can start the neurons in the brain gossiping and worrying.
It is not easy to work with the mind when it is triggered into deep anxieties. However, Pema Chodron’s quote this morning encourages us to identify this frequently active comparing mind and to try cultivating a “don’t know” mind. The more we can see these mental energies for what they are – perceptions and judgments of the mind – the less they have the capacity to pull us out of the moment. Outside of our mind, the relative concept of “better” has no sense.
For many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much — just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work — to make us feel that we are not okay. As a friend of mine put it, “Feeling that something is wrong with me is the invisible and toxic gas I am always breathing.” When we experience our lives through this lens of personal insufficiency, we are imprisoned in what I call the trance of unworthiness. Trapped in this trance, we are unable to perceive the truth of who we really are.
Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
