Searching for a home

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day, the Patron Saint of the Irish, so a few posts on identity, home,  the self and being secure in who we are.

There is an internal landscape, a geography of the soul; we search for its outlines all our lives. Those who are lucky enough to find it ease like water over a stone, onto its fluid contours, and are home. Some find it in the place of their birth; others may leave a seaside town, parched, and find themselves refreshed in the desert. There are those born in rolling countryside who are really only at ease in the intense and busy loneliness of the city. For some, the search is for the imprint of another; a child or a mother, a grandfather or a brother, a lover, a husband, a wife, or a foe. We may go through our lives happy or unhappy, successful or unfulfilled, loved or unloved, without ever standing cold with the shock of recognition, without ever feeling the agony as the twisted iron in our soul unlocks itself and we slip at last into place.

Josephine Hart

Different rhythms

 

Come out of the circle of time
And into the circle of love.

Rumi

A blueprint for a life

This Thai text was recently sent to me. It is beautiful in its simplicity. It was chosen to be read at a marriage ceremony and thus can be seen as a guide for a life in friendship together.

ที่สุดของการให้คือ…การให้โดยไม่หวังผล

ที่สุดของทานคือ…อภัยทาน

ที่สุดของความรักคือ…การรักโดยไม่ครอบครอง

ที่สุดของคนคือ…การเป็นคนธรรมดาที่มีความสุข


The ultimate in giving is…to give selflessly without thought of reward,

The ultimate in charity is…to forgive oneself and others,

The ultimate in love is…to love without the will to possess,

The ultimate in being human is…to be contented and live one’s life with love and happiness.

Meeting your destiny

 

You meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it.

Jung

Be struck by life today

Another lovely poem by Mary Oliver on how we can look at the world – and everything we see today – as a doorway to deeper mysteries and as a place where our heart can grow. Her words reconnect us with all that is around us and with a deep sense of acceptance of our journey here.

As for life, I’m humbled,
I’m without words sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these and over and over,

and long pale afternoons besides,
and so many mysteries, beautiful as eggs in a nest,
still unhatched

though warm and watched over
by something I have never seen—
a tree angel, perhaps, or a ghost of holiness.

Every day I walk out into the world
to be dazzled, then to be reflective.
It suffices, it is all comfort—
along with human love,

dog love, water love, little-serpent love,
sunburst love, or love for that smallest of birds
flying among the scarlet flowers.
There is hardly time to think about

stopping, and lying down at last
to the long afterlife, to the tenderness
yet to come, when
time will brim over the singular pond, and become forever,

and we will pretend to melt away into the leaves.

Mary Oliver, Long Afternoon at the Edge of Little Sister Pond

(Photograph courtesy of Jasmine Trotter  http://killdollphotographies.tumblr.com/)

Positive living: Don’t wait for the other person

Sometimes we pass through periods in our life when it seems safer to close in on ourselves. We may get blocked in some relationships, or harden around what we perceive to be a hurt caused by others, or simply drift apart. And so we pull down the shutters and withdraw.  The mind loves categories, and when we get threatened these get more polarized, making it harder to see the world from any other viewpoint than our own. A lot of our energies go into convincing ourselves that we are right, ensuring that  any cognitive dissonance between our values and our actions is eliminated.  Self-justification then kicks in, that useful  strategy  which blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, allowing us sleep at night by reducing regret and reinforcing our actions.

However, closing ourselves off from others may not always be right, even if  our safety mechanism tells us it is. It can keep up trapped in the past, which we cannot change , rather than seeing new possibilities in the present. So, when you notice that you are running a story about what others have done to you, see if you can remind yourself that you are the one who has the power to determine how you feel about what’s going on. Everything is workable, and thus you can work with the words and actions of other people in contact with you. Your response is entirely up to you. To live a fuller life, we often we need a generosity that operates on a different kind of logic, one which does not count or measure but rather dares to take the first step.

Initiate giving. Don’t wait for someone to ask. See what happens — especially to you. You may find that you gain a greater clarity about yourself and about your relationships, as well as more energy rather than less. You may find that, rather than exhausting yourself or your resources, you will replenish them. Such is the power of mindful, selfless generosity. At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient . . . only the universe rearranging itself.

Jon Kabat Zinn,  Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life