Traditionally, it was on this night that children would place their shoes at the end of the bed or at the door in the hope of getting some small gifts from Saint Nicholas. The practice was founded upon the attributed generosity of the Saint towards those who were poor, as in the legend where he threw bags of gold into the house of a widower to ensure that his daughters would not be sold into slavery.
This practice lies at the root of our modern Christmas celebrations. They are based on a tradition of giving, of generosity. In our world today the advertising at Christmas time can lead to a focus on receiving. It is common to hear the question “What are you getting for Christmas”. Such an emphasis can lead us to compare what we have with others, and strengthen a normal sense that we are lacking in some things or in some way defective. The “comparing mind” is deeply rooted in our psyche, probably evolving as a necessary survival strategy. However, today, when not linked to physical survival, it has free range to stir up all kinds of self-judgments in a society which links wellbeing to who was the latest gadget, the nicest clothes or the fittest body. Getting caught up in the comparing game is one of the major ways that we create our own suffering. We can do it in work, in how we look and feel, when we consider how others celebrate festive occasions, with the holidays they are taking or the way they celebrate as a family. We can find ourselves implicitly thinking, “If only I had that, then I would be happy.” Constantly measuring ourselves against others leads to a bitter taste about our life, and does not allow us develop the inner peace which comes from knowing that we are good enough. Its relentless search for being better or having more – and linking our security, love, and self-esteem to this – ends in insecurity, anxiety and even self-hatred. Comparing is one way in which we solidify ourselves, fixing ourselves to how we are at this moment in comparison to someone else.
We have an opportunity this season to work with this tendency. In meditation we observe our inner processes, allowing us to notice and liberate the mind from this constant comparing. We start by not comparing one breath with another; we simply observe each one as unique. We go on to notice this comparing voice – appearing as thoughts or impressions of what others would say – and how it leads us to be focus on ourselves in a critical manner. We notice the mind and see it inclining towards wanting. Over the next weeks, if we work at replacing the emphasis on what I have or would like to get with an emphasis on giving to others, then our eyes turn away from ourselves and are placed then on others. This practice replaces a critical mind – which is always finding fault with ourselves and others – with a mind that relaxes in celebrating the good and spreading joy. We celebrate our life and their life, allowing our protective shells to dissolve, not measuring, just living.
Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in,” not a “falling for.” In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving.
Gratefulness sprouts when we rise to the challenge of surprise. Gratefulness can be improved by practice. But where shall beginners begin? The obvious starting point is surprise. You will find that you can grow the seeds of gratefulness just by making room. If surprise happens when something unexpected shows up, let’s not expect anything at all. Let’s follow Alice Walker’s advice: “Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.”
Mindfulbalance 