I was recently away on retreat in Massachusetts and noticed that, as it has before, travelling stimulated the senses and moved the mind to notice new things – or things with fresh eyes. I was reflecting on this as I passed through different airports, when I always find that impressions are more intense. Or it could be that I am more open. Because it seems to me that being in airports and travelling is an exercise in “who I am” and identity, an experience in which the normal containers in which I act, and am perceived by others, gets moved around and suspended for a while, until I land and get back into reasonably familiar places, like hotels, and into roles and routines that I can determine myself. In the airport I find myself in a space where I am not – and nobody else really is – “at home”: everything is fluid, my identity reduced to that of a person-in-movement, defined only by passport and boarding card. The normal familiar people, places and roles that hold my life together are not around. And mostly I find it a very open, stimulating experience.
So I emerged from a flight, through the scrutiny of passport control and various checks, to stand with the others to wait for that other comforting element of my identity to slot back into place, the suitcase. Opposite me were two small twin brothers, travelling with their parents. They were lively and excited, and for the first moment my mind labelled the delighted sounds they were making as “too much noise”. However, soon their excitement focused on the conveyor belt and each tumbling-down piece of luggage brought cheers of surprise and delight. Not just the first one, but the tenth and the twentieth brought gasps of amazement and amusement as they waited for their one to arrive. It was very funny to see their faces and their wonder at the technology, seeing it probably for the first time.
And it struck me how much wonder we lose at the things which happen everyday, simply out of force of habit or being in a hurry. Now, I am not saying that we should get back to a condition where routine things, like the operation of a conveyor belt, fills us with surprise and awe each time we see them. It is simply not possible to get back into that fresh state. But it did impress on me that we miss so much, either out of familiarity, or due to the wariness with which we approach strange situations, or maybe because of the fact that life has betrayed and hurt us and we have learned not to open our hearts. Thus, sadly, the innocence, openness and wonder of children is not normally our everyday mode of relating to things.
Thankfully from time to time something new, or something of beauty, comes along and cuts through the habitual mind and the defensive heart. Like this American Robin which I saw foraging for food every morning as I sat on a bench after breakfast in rural Massachusetts. I have been an amateur birdwatcher since my childhood, so seeing a new species is always interesting. And the movement of this bird – although called a robin in homage to its redbreast – reminded me of the European thrush with which I am more familiar. It appeared each morning, always timid, searching for worms with some success. So this hesitant bird, which for some reason has evolved to be wary and cautious, became my companion for the days of retreat, and its tender vulnerability helped me to see with new eyes and a more open heart.
Maybe this is the key. Moments of beauty and changes from fixed patterns open the heart, making it gentle and vulnerable. But not only the beautiful or the surprising. It struck me that I should be also be open to the arrival of unexpected difficulties or to upsets in life, as moments which challenge the habitual, and force new ways of thinking. They too come to visit me, maybe to stir me up and allow me see where I am stuck. Where I have gotten too much into a routine. In some ways, life will never cease to provide me with occasions for growth if I can just be awake to what is presented. I do not have to go out of my way to seek them. I just have to have fresh eyes that can see.
We often find ourselves blown by this wind or that, unsettled, subject to varying emotions. Inside ourselves we are restless, uncertain, or can feel entangled. This experience is nothing unusual, but rather is at the heart of the human condition. In most moments, even after periods when things go well, there is an underlying hum of disquiet, of shifting ground. Some writers call this ongoing feeling “groundlessness”, others “loneliness”. Our first thought is to consider this as negative and it often leads us to feel disturbed. In today’s culture, the idea that one is unsettled or not completely happy is often considered a sign of failure. It does not harmonize with the media insistence on happy people or the myth of easily established social relationships. So we can react to this inner sense by doing more, seeking to improve ourselves, or by keeping ourselves busy and distracting ourself or by looking to a relationship to take the feeling away. However, at the heart of mindfulness practice is the understanding that life is always shifting and changing, that this change is unpredictable, that we always have some inner sense of incompleteness and that this is ok. It does not mean that there is something wrong with us or our life. It can be a liberation to use this as our starting point. Life has a changing and unsatisfactory character. It is hard to establish a consistent oneness of mind and heart that remains stable in such a way that there is never any disappointment. Accepting this truth opens the way to wisdom.
Mindfulbalance 