Stop, look, go

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It helps me to review my practice of gratefulness by applying … the rule I learned as a boy for crossing an intersection: “Stop, look, go.” Before going to bed, I glance back over the day and ask myself: Did I stop and allow myself to be surprised? Or did I trudge on in a daze? Was I too busy to wake up to surprise? And once I stopped, did I look for the opportunity of that moment? Or did I allow the circumstances to distract me from the gift within the gift? (This tends to happen when the gift’s wrappings are not attractive.) And finally, was I alert enough to go after it, to avail myself fully of the opportunity offered to me?

My simple recipe for a joyful day is this: Stop and wake up; look and be aware of what you see; then go on with all the alertness you can muster for the opportunity the moment offers. Looking back in the evening, on a day on which I made these three steps over and over, is like looking at an apple orchard heavy with fruit.

David Steindl-Rast, Awake, Aware and Alert

Not fixing

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Often, intimacy arises not from any attempt to take the pain away, but from a living through together; not from a working out, but from a being with. Trust and closeness deepen from holding and being held. I am learning, pain by pain and tension by tension, that after all my strategies fail, the strength of love waits in receiving and negotiating; in accepting each other and not problem solving each other; in listening and affirming each other, not trying to fix those we love.

Mark Nepo

Totally there, no division

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When you forget about the good and the non-good, the worldly life and the spiritual life, and all other ideas from teachings, and permit no thoughts relating to them to arise, and you abandon body and mind — then there is complete freedom. When the mind is like wood or stone, there is nothing to be discriminated.

Pai-chang Huai-hai, Chinese Zen Master 720 – 814

photo pieter lanser

Trusting where we are

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To be nobody-but-yourself

— in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else —

means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e.e. cummings, A Poet’s Advice

photo rennett stowe

Opportunities

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There is a simple question that helps me to practice the second step of gratitude: “What’s my opportunity here?” You will find that most of the time, the opportunity that a given moment offers you is an opportunity to enjoy – to enjoy sounds, smells, tastes, texture, colors, and, with still deeper joy, friendliness, kindness, patience, faithfulness, honesty, and all those gifts that soften the soil of our heart like warm spring rain. The more we practice awareness of the countless opportunities to simply enjoy, the easier it becomes to recognize difficult or painful experiences as opportunities, as gifts.

David Steindl-Rast, Awake, Aware and Alert

photo alan murray-rust

Keeping watch

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More on thoughts as constructive or destructive, this time from an early Christian monk who was remarkable for his insights into processes of the mind or heart. His encouragement to be watchful of what thoughts we dwell on and resist negative,  self-critical,  ones, is very similar to one of the descriptions found in ancient texts of mindfulness as a gatekeeper,  and to exercises used in modern Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:

Be the guardian of your own heart and do not let any thought pass through without checking them! Ask each one of them: “Are you from our side or from that of those against us?“.  If they come from your own house, they will fill you full of peace, but if they come from your enemy they will stir up anger and agitate your emotions.

Evagrius Pontius, 345 – 399.

photo guus van der valk