Tag: Fear

Seeing the beautiful in the difficult

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Sometimes we do not fully understand why things have turned out as they have. At times like this we understand that we cannot make life problem-free, but our focus is to try and give to our everyday life a depth and value. To do this we may have to sit with the difficult moments without understanding why they are there. Rilke suggests that we love the difficult. It is not easy, but his words encourage us to believe that there is meaning underneath what is happening.

What is required of us is that we love the difficult and learn to deal with it. In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us.  Right in the difficult we must have our joys, our happiness, our dreams: there against the depth of this background, they stand out, there for the  first time we see how beautiful they are.

Rilke

Even welcoming our fears?

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In our practice we work at turning toward every aspect of our experience and holding it in awareness. At times this is hard and we can only do it for a brief moment. Some of the things that happen in a day can be unwanted, and we cannot truly say that we “welcome” it.  But try this: See if you can be more aware of what your mind quickly labels as “unpleasant” or not what you “wanted” at this moment. Then see if you can name what is happening in your body and in your mind in that instant. Maybe creating this momentary space could help you see the thoughts, feelings and sensations as passing events in the field of awareness, and to not over-identify with them or be overwhelmed by them. Practicing in this way,  we try to be present with all the experiences of our day rather than avoiding, contracting or pushing them away.

Can you accept the moments of anger and fear as guests,
be willing to receive them with kindness without feeling obliged to serve them a five-course meal?

Christina Feldman

Searching to be something

Karl Duffy1 Comment

We practice in order to become more awake. This includes becoming more aware of the various strategies we use to avoid being with a basic fear. We have numerous ways to deflect any sense of insecurity,  of not being in control, of not always being sure of where we are going. So we have a tendency to look to ourside sources or achievements for support, to define ourselves by what we do or by some labels or badges. We are often afraid of just being ourselves, because we have learnt to believe that it is not enough. And one of the preferred ways to deal with this today is that we try harder, we do more.

However, what we find when we practice is that there is nothing to do, and even less to hold on to. There is simply this moment, this breath. Nothing needs to be added to make it compete.  We rest in it, and in some way we are complete in it too.  We do not have to place more demands on it.  We slow down the chatter in the mind. We do not have to search in order to be. And that is the greatest liberation.

The arrogant mind never stops looking for identity, and this identity always defines itself through atributes: “the beautiful one”, “the smart one”, “the creative one”,  “the successful one”………. We are always searching for something to be.

Dzigar Kongtrul,  Light Comes Through

I have spoken at times of a light inside, a light that is uncreated and uncreatable to the extent that we can deny ourselves and turn away from things, we shall find our unity in that little spark inside, which neither space nor time touches.

Meister Eckhart

Fears

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Fears are educated into us,

and can, if we wish, be educated out.

Karl Menninger

The opportunity to experience yourself differently is always available.

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

With empty hands

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A similar theme to the Mary Oliver poem posted this week. Sometimes we feel lost and do not know where we are going. We feel powerless, having nothing to offer, with empty hands. We have to leave behind all we have relied on up to now. We utter a heartfelt wish that things could become clearer. It is in the stillness  that wisdom speaks to the heart and reveals what we have been looking for.

In this high place
it is as simple as this:
leave everything you know behind.

Step toward the cold surface,
say the old prayer of rough love
and open both arms.

Those who come with empty hands
will stare into the lake astonished.
There, in the cold light
reflecting pure snow,

is the true shape of your own face.

David Whyte

Remember, when your heart is frozen

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Pema Chodron also reflects here on snow and ice. She  reminds us to touch in with the springs of warmth which still exist inside us, no matter how cold a place we find ourselves in. When we are in an emotional or psychological midwinter, it is hard to believe that warmth and growth will return. We are tempted to disconnect or detach, to bury ourselves even deeper.  However, we are encouraged here to keep the heart open, by allowing our deepest self stay in connection with the deepest self of another person or thing. In this way we allow ourselves receive warmth from the presence or thought of another person when it is hard to generate warmth in oneself.

Our habits and patterns can feel just as frozen as ice. But when spring comes, the ice melts. The quality of water has never really disappeared, even in the deepest depths of winter. It just changed form. The ice melts, and the essential fluid, living quality of water is there. Our essential good heart and open mind is like that. It is here even if we’re experiencing it as so solid we could land an airplane on it.

When I’m emotionally in midwinter and nothing I do seems to melt my frozen heart and mind, it helps me to remember that no matter how hard the ice, the water hasn’t really gone anywhere. It’s always right here.

So I work on melting that hardness by generating more warmth, more open heart. A good way for any of us to do this is to think of a person toward whom we feel appreciation or love or gratitude. In other words, we connect with the warmth that we already have. If we can’t think of a person, we can think of a pet, or even a plant. Sometimes we have to search a bit. But as Trungpa Rinpoche used to say, “Everybody loves something. Even if it’s just tortillas.” The point is to touch in to the good heart that we already have and nurture it.

Pema Chodron, Shambala Sun, 1998