Drawing from the wells within

Ultimate meaning must be found within: A man must relate to the outer world from the strength of inner wholeness, not search outside for a meaning that he finds, at last, only in the solitary pathways of his own soul.    
Robert Johnson, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love

When we encounter difficulties we can doubt ourselves and that frequently leads us to compare ourselves unfavourably with others, who appear to have their lives together while we seem to continually fall apart in big or little ways. We can find ourselves noticing who is smarter, more successful or richer; or even who has flatter abs or a better car. Or we compare ourselves to a better version of ourselves, one who is more disciplined, who does not procrastinate, who should be a better parent or partner or friend. This can be quite subtle and unconscious, but it leads to a dissatisfaction with how our moment or our life is, and thus causes suffering. It does not allow us attend to life as it is, or accept ourselves as we actually are.

It also distracts us from where we should look to find our confidence, namely inside ourselves. There, within, is our best resource and our point of reference. Our outer world and all our activity is nourished by our inner vision and this anchors us whenever we find ourselves in rough waters. Few have expressed this better than Rilke in this passage. Even though he is  referring here to the poetic process, the same deep sources are what we nourish in our practice and they are what gives balance and energy to our lives.

You ask whether your verses are any good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you – no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must”, then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.

Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

No need to search outside

Don’t go outside your house to see flowers.
My friend, don’t bother with that excursion.
Inside your body there are flowers.
One flower has a thousand petals.
That will do for a place to sit.
Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty;
inside the body and out of it,
before gardens and after gardens

Kabir

Being with and not rejecting

Meditation is not a means to suppress “thinking”. A calm mind is not without thoughts but one in which we are able to investigate our thoughts in a non-judgmental, compassionate and calm way. When we do this, we improve our capacity to think and reflect with clarity. Inner simplicity is born of willingness to learn how to let go. Meditation is fundamentally about listening without prejudice to our minds. The liberation of being able to listen to our minds without rejecting, interpreting or judging beings clarity and calm.

Christine Feldman, Beginners Guide to Buddhist meditation

Holding the contradictions within

Ours is a time of anxiety because we have willed it to be so. Our anxiety is not imposed on us by force from outside. We impose it on our world and upon one another from within ourselves. Sanctity in such an age means, no doubt, traveling from the area of anxiety to the area in which there is no anxiety or perhaps it may mean learning….to be without anxiety in the midst of anxiety. Fundamentally, as Max Picard points out, it probably comes to this: living in a silence which so reconciles the contradictions within us that, although they remain within us, they cease to be a problem.

Contradictions have always existed in the soul of man. But it is only when we prefer analysis to silence that they become a constant and insoluble problem. We are not meant to resolve all contradictions but to live with them and rise above them and see them in the light of exterior and objective values which make them trivial by comparison.

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Not knowing can be good

In our practice we keep returning to the present moment, trying to pay attention and stay there. Life continually gives occasions for practicing this skill and especially for noticing how many times we are away. The present is really the only time there is and the more we practice with it,  the more we see how each moment is special, and to a certain extent complete. However, in another important sense, our practice allows us see that the present is fluid and incomplete and that being open to this also holds a real richness. It allows us hold a space, between the past and the future, ready for all possibilities, not needing to know the whole picture but rather trusting that it will appear in its own time:

In-between is where humans always are,
thats what we have to welcome,
a story with an uncertain ending.

And this condition is interesting if you inhabit it;
it’s alive.

If I’m facing something that I don’t know what to do,
the “not knowing” is what is true,
and the resources that I have,
deeply ignorant that I am,
will have to be enough.

John Tarrant

Being content with what you have

Reflecting on life in this human form: it is just like this, it’s being able to sit peacefully and get up peacefully and be content with what you have; it’s that which makes our life as a daily experience something that is joyful and not suffering. And this is how most of our life can be lived – you can’t live in ecstatic states of rapture and bliss and do the dishes, can you?    That’s why whenever we contemplate cessation, we’re not looking for the end of the universe but just the exhalation of the breath or the end of the day or the end of the thought or the end of the feeling. To notice that means that we have to pay attention to the flow of life – we have to really notice the way it is rather than wait for some kind of fantastic experience of marvelous light descending on us, zapping us or whatever Can you trust that? Can you trust in just letting everything go and cease and not being anybody and not having any mission, not having to become anything?

Ajahn Sumedho, Being Nobody