We could learn a lot from what Wordsworth observed in his mother. She did not demand more than what was contained in each moment:
Nor with impatience from the season asked
More than its timely produce; rather loved
The hours for what they are.
Wordsworth, The Prelude, Book Five
Autumn is a season of maturity, of patience and integration. As I have said before, it reminds us to look at the seasons and growth in our own life, our path towards maturity and greater individualization. This is demanded of us at every stage in our life but comes to the fore more clearly in “mid-life”, when we are asked to let go of some of the typical first half of life thinking patterns and move into a second half thinking style. It is a challenge that everyone faces, although not everyone takes it up. If we do, as Levinson remarks here, we can let go of some of the pressured, achievement-focus drive which is characteristic of the first half of life (and of the modern age) and have the space to notice and enjoy the process of living itself.
Some reduction in illusions is now appropriate and beneficial……According to Jaques, the central issue at mid-life is coming to terms with one’s own mortality: a man must learn now, more deeply than was possible before, that his own death is inevitable and that he and others are capable of great destructiveness…..Bernice Neugarten identifies the basic mid-life change as a growing “interiority” : turning inward to the self, decreasing emphasis on assertiveness and mastery of the environment, enjoying the process of living more than the attainment of specific goals.
Levinson, The Seasons of a Man’s Life.
It took a long time for the analytical world to look at the importance of the way a baby is held, and yet when you come to think of it, this is of primary importance. The question of holding brings up the whole issue of human reliability. Winnicott
I love the sense of natural movement in this poem by Rilke, and the delicate gentleness of the last line. We change, are shaken and fall, as nature does, and this can seem frightening at times. It can agitate us as it goes against the security we have when things are firm. To give us confidence we need some sense of being held. Because, as Winnicott reminds us, a person’s most formative experiences comes from the way their caregivers “hold” them, as that allows them feel grounded in the face of the uncertainties of life. Meditation practice allows us create that security within, and develop an inner stability, which is hard to shake, no matter what comes up. We trust and can let our lives unfold gently, lightly, each breath and each moment floating and falling, held in awareness.
The leaves are falling, falling as if from afar,
as if withered in the distant gardens of heaven;
with nay-saying gestures they fall.
And in the nights falls the heavy earth
from all the stars into loneliness.
We all are falling. This hand there falls.
And look at the others: it is in all of them.
And yet there is one, who holds all this falling
with infinite gentleness in his hands.
Rainer Maria Rilke, Autumn
Everything is meant to be let go of.
Meister Eckhard
Listening to people this week I was struck by how frequently we tend to define ourselves in terms of solid, unchanging qualities. However, when we talk about ourselves in terms that are fixed, such as “I’m no good at ……”, or “I am a timid person” … we freeze our whole selves into just one limited part. Or if we attach our identity to some things that are fixed – like a job, a relationship as it is now, where we live or something that we have – we are sooner or later going to run into difficulty because everything changes. It is a good practice to keep defining ourselves in fluid terms, as always changing – continually constructing ourselves in way that is able to deal with the ongoing changes in life. We know that if we try to prevent change and freeze things as they are, we are attempting something impossible. So let us work on really understanding the inevitability of the change we see all around us by applying this to how we narrate our life story, even our story of just this week. In this way we can more easily see our true underlying openness of mind, which can be aware of all the words which we attach to ourselves. This leaves us open to all possibilities in our future, not limiting ourselves or having just one fixed identity or goal.
Just as a snake sheds its skin, so we should shed our past, over and over again
The Buddha
We tend to run our whole life trying to avoid all that hurts or displeases us, noticing the objects, people, or situations that we think will give us pain or pleasure, avoiding one and pursuing the other. Without exception, we all do this. We remain separate from our life, looking at it, analyzing it, judging it, seeking to answer the questions, ‘What am I going to get out of it? Is it going to give me pleasure or comfort or should I run away from it?” We do this from morning until night.
Charlotte Joko Beck
Trying to solidify the self through accomplishments or material goods is a natural impulse in our uncertain, impermanent world. But it doesn’t help. It doesn’t make life perfect; it doesn’t make us immortal; it doesn’t lead to wisdom. In fact, achieving and gaining can cause new kinds of suffering, our responsibilities and our worries can be compounded.
Andrea Miller, Bird Songs
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